I wrote a blog a couple years ago called the Holiday Hustle and the name is just too fitting for this season we’re stepping into for me to change it. It’s that time of year, we’re already busy with our jobs, kids, husbands, homes, pets, all. the. things. but then you decide to throw in the Holidays and all sh*@t hits the proverbial fan.

It’s the Holiday Hustle. We find ourselves here every year. We experience the stress every year but a whole year passes by, and then like childbirth, we forget all the bad and only remember the good parts and do it all the same AGAIN. I’m here giving you that warning, let’s call it a STOP sign to stop and think — let’s do it differently this year.

Learn to Say “No.” One of the best things I have learned to do in my older age (I didn’t say old for all of those giving an eye roll) is to say “NO” when that little voice in my head says, that’s going to be too much. We all feel it. In the moment it sounds like a great idea. In the moment you think, why not? I can totally help with that. In the moment it may even sound fun. But that little voice of reason in the back of our heads is shouting, YOU DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THAT. For this holiday season, let’s learn to say “No” when it’s really something we just can’t add to our plate. I promise you that other women and other moms get it! They are in the same place you are. It might even give them some shred of authenticity and give them what they need to do the same in their lives (and maybe even make you closer friends in the end too).

Less Perfect and more Presence. At this age, we’re all probably starting to host our own family Christmas and Thanksgiving. This sets off a whole other level of stress on us because we want everything to be PERFECT. We want the perfect, Pinterest-worthy decor, we want the perfect gifts, we want it all, well, perfect. But I’m here to remind you that while yes, we do want it to look great for the family, if it’s going to sacrifice your joy therefore taking away the joy from the family (we, as the wife and mom, set the tone for the home) then it’s simply not worth it. I’m not saying to delete your Pinterest app this season; I’m just saying to CHOOSE presence over perfection this season. Be a Mary even when you really want to be a Martha. Choose to enjoy your family instead of making sure the dishes are done. Overall, during the Holiday Hustle, choose your presence over perfection because that’s really the only thing your family, your kids, will remember, you showing up and the quality time, not how the decor looked.

Less Phones and more Phamily (see what I did there). Listen, I’m preaching to the freaking choir on this one. I love to just be sitting with the family and scrolling through my phone. I work from my phone most of the time, and I even read books on my phone. So putting the phone down is a HARD one for me. But I hear myself giving Kennedy lectures about her iPad becoming an obsession, and how she can’t pay attention to us when she’s watching it, and think, “Hi pot, this is kettle.” Our kids are watching everything we do. I even see Wilder looking at me wanting my attention while I’m stealing glances at my phone and think, wow. So maybe this Holiday season we can start a new habit in our home to put the phones down. Maybe it’s a dedicated hour during dinner with no media. Maybe it’s just 30 minutes of intentional, quality, face to face, time with our kids every day after school with no phones, computers or iPads in sight. I think that intentionality of once again, PRESENCE, will make a huge difference because people feel more loved when they feel you are THERE.

I’m sure there are so many other ways we can be better about handing this Holiday Hustle 2020, but if the pandemic taught us anything, it’s that our family needs us. Quality time and intentionality never made any family worse. Presence over perfection wins out every single time. So let’s make this year different. Happy Holidays, Friends!

Let’s face it, there are many times and many situations that can put you in the bitter and resentful category as wives and mothers. It’s a hard business we live in every day. There are MANY demands and very little mommy recharging time. The posts that make me laugh most these days are the ones where the husband is tired so he just gets up and goes to bed. The wife is tired so she does the 37 things she has to do to get everyone and the house ready for bed…THEN she lays down only to go over her to-do list in her head. This. is. my. life.

With all that being said, it’s super easy to live in the bitter or resentful world when you feel the demand for your time and attention is high, and you’re, well, tapped out. Now there’s a whole other blog where I could talk about the ways your family needs to step up their game, but instead let’s focus on something more realistic (see what I did there), and talk about what we can control….our attitude.

It’s November now, which to me means HOLIDAYS, but to most, it means Thanksgiving, which leads to being thankful. I think living in gratitude is something I should try and do all of the time, but November is a great reminder.

I don’t have to; I get to. I heard recently on someone’s social that changing your wording (even if just to yourself) changes your perspective. Instead of, “I have to give both kids a bath and put them down.” It’s “I GET to give both kids a bath and put them down.” Now, the skeptic in me wants to hate this cheesy idea, but the more I thought about it, and while up with my 4 month old at 3am, I said it to myself, and it truly did make me grateful instead of annoyed. I GET to rock him to sleep because there are so many women without babies yet who long to be a mommy, and here I am rocking my second rainbow baby to sleep. “I GET to get up and go to work today when there are so many women who long for a career they love.” Mind blown.

Gratitude List. Each year I talk about this. Our Pastor had us write out things we are thankful for, one for every year you have been alive, and keep it somewhere you can see it often. Any time you feel the need to be resentful or bitter or angry, pull it out and read it. Believe me, it helps. Maybe follow along with the social craze and do one thing you are thankful for each day this month.

Best way to approach Jesus. There are many times in my life, ESPECIALLY when I make myself too busy, where I feel distant from the Lord. Like a friend reluctant to reach out because the guilt has built up and it’s been too long, I am reluctant to approach Jesus. BUT, I find for me, when I don’t know what to say or I feel distant, the best way to step into His presence is with gratitude. It sort of starts off the conversation and all of a sudden, things aren’t awkward at all. He is there (He was always there), and you are talking. And this is a whole other blog, but start saying NO to the busy so you can say yes to time with Jesus. He’s our only true source of peace, and as wives or moms, we NEED it.

PRAYER. If you live life in view of the Gospel, then we HAVE to live life in gratitude because we don’t really deserve any of this do we? If we truly believe His grace is new every single morning, then we ought to wake up with gratitude just in general! I know, I know. It’s not that easy when there are multiple kids crying, a boss that texting, a husband who lost his shoes (that are probably right behind that other pair he’s staring at), etc. But the best way to change my perspective when I’m feeling resentful or overwhelmed is to stop and pray. I don’t mean add another thing to your list, I just mean stop and say a quick prayer for God to change your attitude. God meets us where we are, even in tough or busy seasons. He knows what you need and He doesn’t need a dissertation from you to give it to you. All you need to do is ASK. “God, change my heart. Help me to be grateful and joyful so that others in my home will feel it and be joyful too!” BAM. Obviously it doesn’t happen over night, and you may have to ask everyday. But I believe he changes our hearts and perspectives and a result is a happier family over all.

As always, preaching this to myself because one, I’ve made myself too busy lately, causing me to be more tired, and therefore more bitter and resentful, and also because I needed the gratitude reminder. Praying this helps anyone who’s reading to have a heart shift so much that their family follows! Love you all.

Let’s face it, relationships can be hard. Marriage can be hard. Whenever you take two broken people trying to have a relationship with one another in a broken world, you get some hard to deal with things. I’m a big believer that the enemy doesn’t want us to have flourishing relationships within our marriages, within out friendships, and within our families. I think we have to fight for these soul-filling relationships and it definitely isn’t easy, but SO, so worth it to have these kind of people in your life, fighting in your corner.

The Grace Pants Story. I told this story years ago, but felt the need to bring it back out recently. One night back when Daniel and I were newly married, we got in a huge fight. I said some unsavory things (that I really didn’t even mean). Needless to say, we went to bed angry. Now let’s get one thing very straight, I was in the wrong. I was being prideful and arrogant. I snapped, and I deserved his anger the next morning. But, what happened was very different. We woke up, both of us reluctant to speak to one another. We decided to walk down to the square for some coffee and brunch like we did a lot of Saturdays. We were waiting for the restaurant to open and Daniel popped in a store. He came back out and gave me a bag. He said, “Here, I got these for you because I knew you wanted some and thought they would look cute on you.” I opened the bag to find some adorable Nike workout shorts that I’d been wanting for a while. I immediately said, “Awe babe, are these my grace pants?” And from that point on, it became a frequent saying in our home. Are you putting on your grace pants? The whole point of this silly story is that I DESERVED his anger, and yet he gave me grace. I was wrong, and deserved to feel shame or at least suffer through a day of silence from my husband. But instead he CHOSE to forgive and show grace. The question is, are you showing grace to those in your home?

PRIDE. Our pastor often says, “You can be right or you can be married.” and I probably recite this to myself daily. In our relationships, we can be right or we can die to ourselves and show grace because at the end of the day WHO CARES who was right?! Pride is this little sneaky enemy that creeps in and wreaks havoc. We can stand alone in our righteous anger, or we can wake up and choose grace in every situation with our husbands, with our kids, with our friends or family. We can spend more time on our soap box about how things should be done, or we can praise our family for the things they do right. We can try and control every situation, or we can let go and let them be them (this one is especially hard for me).

Resentment. This is something my friends and I talk about often. It happens a lot in marriages especially. You’re doing life, everything is great, and then BAM, resentment creeps in. You know how it starts ladies, one little thought in our heads – I do EVERYTHING around here, the least he could do is XYZ. And listen, YES and AMEN we should both be giving 100% to the marriage, to taking care of the family in whatever way works for you, but resentment can be a silent killer in any relationship so it’s best to squash it when it begins. Scripture says that love keeps no record of wrongs. Ouch. That means we don’t keep a running list in our heads about how they are falling short. Yes, you should be able to talk through these expectations and figure out how to help one another better, but also don’t let that resentment grow and fester. Give those unmet expectations to the Lord, and continue to give your 100%, and watch how your kindness, your love, or your patience changes that other person much more than those passive aggressive comments you would normally throw out.

Prayer. Lastly, because relationships are hard, dying to ourselves is hard, putting on our grace pants day after day is hard, and we simply cannot do it in our own strength. We NEED someone who can do it through us. Prayer is like our lifeline to Jesus, it’s our way of tapping into the WiFi if you will. Prayer can move mountains if we even have the tiniest bit of faith or belief in the One who we’re praying to. So for me, I have to pray pray pray for myself and the way I choose to love those around me, especially my family. I have to pray for the ability to put on my grace pants, die to myself and my pride, and to have more patience and loving kindness towards the people I love. I have to pray God helps me to live out grace in my home on the daily.

So to all of my friends reading this, are you putting on your grace pants today?

It’s very strange to be back in this position of truly needing to muster that tiny, mustard seed-like faith to believe God can do the impossible. As many of you know, our journey to become parents has become a ministry for us, as we want to give other men and women comfort and hope through sharing our story. We’ve been through the ringer I like to say, and seen first hand how God can turn our waiting or tragedy into beauty and joy.

Recently, like a week or so ago, I finished and printed my first 10-day devo for women who’ve been in similar situations we have. The ironic thing about it is that the week after Pastor Joby challenged me to finish the devo so it could be used as a resource for women, I found out I was pregnant again. (Insert loud screaming mixed with a lot of hesitation and fear). Yep, you read that right, I’m preggers again, and mixed with a lot of joy, but I’m terrified too.

Background

We decided a few months ago to pursue having a biological child again. We went back to our fertility doctor to see if he thought having the same procedure I had before we got pregnant with Kennedy to remove a septum and endometriosis would be a good idea. He said absolutely, let’s try it! So we had surgery to remove endometriosis in September. We got pregnant the next month (OMG!). So after I took about 6 pregnancy tests mostly because I never thought I’d see another positive pregnancy test for the rest of my life, we confirmed it with the doc and I started the “Kitchen Sink” method like I did with Kennedy which includes prescription prenatal vitamins, extra folic acid (I have to take like 400 times what normal women have to take), extra progesterone, and heparin shots in my belly twice a day. SO, with that update out there, our first ultrasound was this morning and MAN did the fear, anxiety and doubt creep in fast! The enemy didn’t waste any time with whispering those things in my ear.

I believe, help my unbelief. If you know our story you know I have a lot of reasons to be fearful that this pregnancy won’t work out. I’ve had more let down in my journey to parenthood than I have had victories. But through it all, God redeemed it with a perfect, healthy baby girl named Kennedy (and man is she going to be a world-changer). So knowing that, now that this pregnancy is becoming more real for me, I feel very much like that dad in Mark 9 when he said, “I believe, help my unbelief!” I believe that God is a good Dad, that He loves me, and that He always keeps His promises. I believe that despite my own inadequacies, He can knit this baby together perfectly. But given my past experience, there’s also a lot of fear, hesitation to get excited or believe this will work out, and anxiety that could cripple me. So I’m standing before you guys today, basically feeling naked because I hate being vulnerable, and saying I am there with you, I understand the hopelessness, hesitation and fear. But let’s cry out together, “I believe God, help my unbelief!”

Casting out fear. If we believe that God can do all things, that He loves us, and wants good things for us as His children not just in heaven, but here on earth too, then His character alone should encourage us to have faith and tell that fear to go hell (which is where it came from to begin with).  Every morning, or every minute that fear or anxiety creeps in, stop and pray. Prayer is your direct line to God, your direct line to the peace that literally surpasses all understanding. Despite your circumstances, the stupid things people might say, the lies swirling around in your head, God has the whole world in His hands, including you. Give that fear back to Him, knowing He is the God of the Universe who also happens to love you and care about everything you care about. He’s a good Dad and He will take care of you, and that baby or future baby. Lay those fears at His feet every time you feel the fear rising again, and I promise you He will meet you there with confidence and hope.

God can move mountains. Do you believe in the power of God? That’s a big question you need to answer for yourself before this Truth can sink in to your heart and mind. I’ve seen His power first-hand time and time again, and I’ll never underestimate His power in my life again. If I truly believe God can move mountains, raise people from the dead, then I also believe that He can knit this baby together perfectly (or bring you that perfect baby however He chooses to do it) even if my body isn’t capable. When I was pregnant with Kennedy (our now almost 5 year old), I had this verse written out so I could see it everyday: “For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.” (Matthew 17:20) Read it again, write it down, pray over it, because it Has POWER. God’s plans are always better than our plans, He loves us with a crazy love, and I’ve seen Him redeem any situation that seemed impossible when it came to becoming parents. So despite my past experiences, despite my own fears and insecurities, I can truly believe that God brought us to this place, and He will work in miraculous ways, because NOTHING is impossible for God.

All we need is a tiny faith in a BIG God. He has the power of life and death, and believe with me that He can and will work all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. Need help believing that? Then you need to tap into it. He’s always there waiting for us to just BE with Him. Spend some time in prayer. Decide to stop and pray before calling your friend, mom or sister. Ask those people to be praying for you too because prayer is POWERFUL.

If you’re feeling fearful today, pray this with me: