Intentional Love.

Love is not a feeling. Love is a verb. That’s one of my favorite (or most convicting) quotes from several of my favorite mentors. It’s a very counter-culture statement because our culture says to go with your feelings, do what makes you feel happy, love as many people, as often as you can. Love is about making you FEEL good. Blah blah blah. But that’s not what Biblical love is at all. 

Now, this concept is really convicting for me and really, really hard. I’m an ENFP, which means I make a lot of decisions based on my feelings. I love change, I love spontaneity, and I LOVE feeling happy. So when faced with this dilemma that, as Christians, our primary trait should be our love, the way we love others, it’s downright terrifying. One of the reasons for this is that love requires self-denial. Real love requires us to put aside our own selfishness and our own feelings for someone else. Love isn’t about how someone else makes you feel, it’s about putting love into action (usually at the expense of your comfort). So with all of that said, I’m missing the mark in major ways. I need a “Love for Dummies” book so I can live out this whole love concept. IMG_4346

One thing we talked about recently is that if love is a verb, and love does, then what does that mean for us practically speaking? Intentionality came to mind. For me, it is going to take intentionality in order to love others the way God calls us to. 

Intentionality with God. When I make spending time with God a priority, finding what stirs your affections for Him and doing it regularly, I’m a better wife, mother, friend and worker. There’s NO way I can be good at all of those things if I’m not intentional about my time with my Heavenly Father, my only real source of joy and fulfillment. Oh, I’ll try and fill it with a million other things, but I’ll end up empty, and something very far from loving at the end of the day. More like selfish and irritated. Ugh. So, what makes you feel closer to God? For Daniel it’s worship. For others its being outside, surfing, running. For me it’s intentional time in His word and just talking to Him through journaling (or even praying out loud when my brain is fried and I’m overwhelmed). It’s important to be intentional about that thing that draws you close to Him, allows you to hear from Him, and helps you live out of His Spirit and not our selfish, self-serving selves. (Lotta selves in there). 

Intentionality in the daily rhythms of life. Taking love into action with your family, friends, coworkers or neighbors in the everyday rhythms of life can be the hard. I mean, we are BUSY, we have to get from point A to point B, ain’t nobody got time for that kind of intentional love. We’ve all experienced the tug at our soul to do for someone else, but how often do we follow through? A friend has been down, so making the decision to go see her instead of hitting the gym. Or your coworker lost someone, so taking the time to drive WAY out of the way to take her dinner one night in spite of rush hour. Or for me, it’s picking up the phone to call someone. I HATE the phone and also feel a weird sort of social anxiety about it for some crazy reason. So it takes real intentionality for me to do it, and I need to get over myself and do it more. It’s those kinds of inconveniences to our normal schedule that are so hard to do, but when intentional, give us more joy than getting home an hour earlier to get that last bit of work done for the day. At home, it might be intentional time at home with your family. PUT THE PHONE DOWN and spend some quality time together over dinner. Daniel and I are realizing we are setting a very bad example for our child in how much we look at our phones at home. And this doesn’t need to be a sacrifice to your work, just intentional time spent with your loved ones, thirty minutes of face to face attention with the people you love most in the world. 

Intentionality in your marriage. WHOOOO, this one is a doozy, and can be the hardest for sure. Daniel and I have now been married 7.5 years and are in a season where we are learning that you have to intentionally fight for things that are good. “Nothing good comes easily, sometimes you’ve got to fight” (Thanks 311). Marriage can make you see your own selfishness more than anything else can. But, Marriage also gives us the greatest opportunity to die to ourselves each day and intentionally love our spouse, ESPECIALLY when we don’t feel like it. For me, this is hard because it’s most often the people you love the most, and feel most loved by, that you neglect to show love to. Or we are our ugliest selves with our spouse, so it’s easy to let pride and resentment creep in when expectations aren’t met. But, I read recently that marriage is the best picture of the Gospel we’ll ever receive. It’s that we have to wake up everyday, fight the urge to be right, have expectations met or be resentful, and die to ourselves. Wake up and put on our grace pants and love that person (not with some feeling we can’t see or touch, but with actual action and intentionality). Pastor Joby often says, “You can be right or you can be married.” and MAN is that hard to put into practice. But if we’re called to love our spouse like Christ loves the church, then shouldn’t our grace be new every morning as well? Shouldn’t we be patient and kind, keep no record of wrongs (this one kills me) and put aside our wants and needs for that person? Believe me when I say that this is much easier to write than put into practice, but we’re in a season of learning what each other truly needs, and how we can intentionally love one another better. I think it starts with communication. For Daniel and I it was having VERY hard conversations about what we both need in order to feel more loved, and then it’s a process of dying to ourselves and doing more of those things. It’s a marathon, not a sprint, so I know that intentional love in our marriages will reap long-term benefits far more than giving up. I don’t know about you, but I want to beat the statistics and have the kind of marriage God intended, full of love and grace for one another, and I think our kids will be better for it too! 


Waffles or Old Steak

Having kids gives you a whole new perspective on how God must view us as His children. I got a large dose of this one day when Kennedy was a little bit younger (she couldn’t really talk yet). I, like the amazing mom I am, decided to make Kennedy some delicious waffles. I put extra butter on them (bc I vicariously live through the food I allow my child to eat), and then doused them with syrup. I couldn’t wait to see her face as she tasted this ridiculously perfect breakfast. But, as most things in life, it didn’t turn out as planned.

I told Kennedy to sit down, set down the waffles in front of her, and looked at her with anticipation. She looked at it one time, and shook her head, “No.” Then, she proceeded to walk to the fridge, open the door, and pull out some tupperware with old steak in it. She became fixated with this tupperware and refused my delicious waffles. I said to her, “Kennedy, this is SO much better than what’s in that tupperware! I know you so well, and I know what’s best for you, and WAFFLES are what’s best for you. EAT. THE. WAFFLES.” But, not to my surprise, she refused again. It was in that moment that I realized, this must be how God looks at us as His children.

The grasping. We grasp on to things we think are better for us. We make plans and think we know the best plan for our lives, and think, if God would just work it out the way we plan, then everything would be great. We, like little children, grasp on to the tupperware full of old steak when there’s a steaming hot plate of buttery waffles waiting for us. We try and control or manipulate our situation in order to accomplish our own goals instead of surrendering it to our Heavenly Father who loves us and wants an abundant, beautiful, life for us. How many times in my life have I tried to grasp on to something I knew wasn’t good for me? I remember times when I tried to manipulate a job opportunity, a relationship, a move, and at the end of the day, they all failed because I never surrendered it all over to my good, good Father. He had a perfect plan for me, and I would have saved myself a lot of pain if I’d only trusted Him with my life.

Trust. Really, what it all comes down is, Trust. If we truly believe that He is a good Father, and His will is always better than anything we could ever plan, then why is it so hard to let go and let God? It’s like the story of the fake pearls that I love to tell. A father gave his daughter a strand of fake pearls. It was her most prized possession and she wore them everywhere. One day, he came to her and asked her if she loved him. She, of course, responded, “Yes, Daddy! You know I love you.” He said, “Do you love me and trust me enough to give me your pearls?” And she immediately replied, “Why would you ask that of me? You know how much I love them.” He told her okay, and kissed her goodnight. Later that night after she thought about how much she loved her daddy, she approached his room. She entered and handed him the pearls. She told her daddy that she loved him more than the pearls. He replied, “I’m so glad you said that, because I have something even better for you. He opened his drawer, pulled out a box and handed it to her. She opened it and saw a REAL strand of pearls. These pearls were more beautiful than she’d ever seen. The moral of the story is much like the old steak story. We grasp on to things we think are better, but God ALWAYS has a plan for His children, and His plans are ALWAYS better than our plans. He, like a good dad, is waiting for us to surrender those things, even if we have to do it everyday, and trust Him because He wants an abundant life for you here on earth too. He wants good things for you and me, and sometimes it’s just hard to see based on our circumstances. So, let’s stop settling for those fake pearls and old steak, and start trusting that God has some real bling for us if we’d only let go and led Him lead us.

The Waiting. Now, this concept sounds great and all, until the waiting starts. The waiting is ALWAYS the hardest and let’s face it, the waiting sucks. (Sorry mom, she hates that word). All throughout Scripture God asks us to wait, and I think it’s just so that we are dependent on Him to accomplish these things instead of in our own effort.


The waiting can cause us to freak out, try and control or manipulate again, or lose hope. But, God wants to remind us that He will redeem it, and even though His timing isn’t always our timing (it never is, is it?) and He has something so much better for us than we could ever ask or even imagine. So while the waiting is hard, keep reminding yourself of these things everyday, giving it back over to Him. I had to wait for a lot of good things in my life, for Daniel (after years of dating and everyone else getting engaged before me) and


for Daniel and I, waiting years for Kennedy was totally worth it in the end, we just couldn’t see it amidst our grasping, our waiting, and our loss. So, stay strong, friend, during the waiting. It’s only a matter of time before we’re waiting again for the next thing. God has an amazing plan, far better than we could ask or think, we just have to lean in during the waiting and remind ourselves that He’s a good Dad, He loves us, and He has an amazing set of real pearls and buttery waffles ahead.

Side note: Thanks John, for telling me I should turn this story into a blog 🙂 And to Nathalie, who was just there 😉 Love you guys.


Stop Praying.

I woke up this morning feeling refreshed (for the first time in a while). I opened up my new journal to a verse that stopped me in my tracks. I was feeling dry, I was feeling empty, I wasn’t feeling much of anything. I was having the “dry bones” syndrome like a previous blog I wrote, and it was my fault. There are times in my life where the distance between God and I grows so deep that I feel weird approaching Him again. It’s like an old friend that you were once so close to you would tell them anything, and then one day goes by, then two, and then well, it’s just awkward. I was feeling that, yet reminding myself that it’s not how God works. He never went anywhere, I did. He doesn’t change EVEN when we grow distant or make mistakes. His love is unconditional and isn’t based on how good we’re doing at this whole thing. So I reminded myself of those things and forged ahead, building back the intimacy I had lost little by little, one prayer here, one prayer there, a short quiet time and then started feeling like my old self, in relationship with my only real source of life.

As you know, I’ve always loved working. During my more distant times this summer (this morning), I asked my husband if I should start looking for a new, exciting job in the fall. And he replied, “What about your book?” Probably about two years ago, I felt God tell me in multiple ways that He wanted me to write a book about our baby journey. I thought it was crazy because writing a book to me was up there on the top 10 things I never, ever want to do list. But, He kept affirming it over and over. I began praying about it, over and over. Waiting on next steps, praying again. Losing my nerve, praying again. The problem with me and writing is that I can ONLY write when I feel close to God, when I feel like He’s writing through me, and well, just like every other human, I’m prone to wander, prone to leave this God I love.

I recently read this book called, “Draw the Circle”and it was literally life changing. The whole book is about the power of prayer, and how prayer is our connection to God. I also recently read that prayer is like the initiating factor for our full armor of God, prayer is like the engine that starts it all up and get’s us ready for the fight. We have nothing without prayer because what kind of relationship would you have with your spouse if you never talked to them? So with that said, there was a chapter towards the end that simply said, Stop Praying.

Delayed obedience. The point of it all is that at some point, prayer can become delayed obedience to something God has clearly called you to. IMG_3715How many times have we felt that tug on our heart to do something, and decided we just need to pray about it more. We’re like, yes, I felt it, but I mean, I should probably pray about it for like three more years before I actually take that leap of faith (just me?). We hear that faint whisper to speak to someone, to call them, to forgive, to act, and we start thinking of our to-do list and grocery items, so we push it aside. I do it ALL of the time. But, delayed obedience might as well be the same as disobedience. And what kills me is that I KNOW the pure joy in choosing to be obedient to Him. I know how amazing it actually feels to deny those rationalities we come up with and just DO what He asks. I’ve seen the outcome, I’ve seen how much better His plan is than my own, yet over and over again I choose not do it.


It’s never the easy choice. Is anything good in life ever that easy to obtain? In my life, no. The selfish choice is usually the easiest, and then also in return the most disappointing. We all have a very, very self-serving nature. Heck, we live in a time where self-help books are one of the largest aisles in a book store. Our world tells us to do what makes us happy, do what feels right. Our culture tells you to do you, boo (which I actually say all the time bc it’s funny). Our culture tells us to watch out for numero Uno. But Scripture says the opposite. Scripture says to deny yourself, put others first, serve others before yourself and go last. It’s NEVER easy, especially for me because I’m feisty, prideful, and selfish but it’s ALWAYS the most rewarding way to live, and brings so much more joy than being “right” or doing what we feel like doing all of the time.

Stop praying and just DO. Prayer is HUGE. I believe in prayer as a source of life. I believe it when on of our pastors said prayer is like oxygen to our souls. BUT, I also believe that there comes a point when we need to stop praying and start doing. Stop praying about it and fill out the application. Stop praying and quit that job He told you to quit long ago. Stop praying and speak to your neighbor or ask them to get a coffee with you. Stop praying and call that person that hurt you. Stop praying and ask her out. I’ve learned as I get older that obedience to what He’s calling you to is one of the greatest joys in life, and I’ve done a lot of super fun things 😉

Don’t second guess yourself. I do that too. Was that actually God or was it me? Is this the right thing, I mean I think it is, but ehhh, is it? Well, sometimes we over-complicate things. Does it honor God? Do it. Does it dishonor God, then it’s probably your feelings and not God telling you to do it (and might ruin your life – yikes). If it brings glory to God, step out of your comfort zone and just do it. I promise you won’t regret it.

“Look, I am about to do something new; even now it is coming. Do you not see it? Indeed I will make a way in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:19 

Grateful heart.

“Scripture says, “A person cannot receive even one thing unless it’s given Him from heaven.” If you could understand that one biblical truth it would change your life forever. The way we say it around here is this, “You can’t give me what God has not, and you can’t keep me from what God has.” If we would actually begin to believe that at a soul-level, that everything we have is from Him, there would be no jealousy, no co-dependence, no comparing, no complaining, no envy, and no coveting. It would free you up to rejoice when others are blessed. It would bring you freedom in so many ways. If we truly believed this, that would be called PEACE.” – Pastor Joby Martin (I know I quote him a lot, but the man has a freakin’ gift of saying things in a way I’ve never heard before.)

So if we believe the above to be true, if we believe what the Bible says, then why is it so hard to live with a grateful heart? I’ll tell you why: our culture and our selfish, wandering hearts (ouch!) We are blessed to live in the United States, where consumption is key, and everything our little hearts could desire is literally at the click of a button. Our culture is constantly telling us that what we have isn’t enough, and that we have to compete with the Jones’, the Smith’s, and the well, whoever else. Our culture or the smart marketing geniuses in retail, set it up so that right when we get an upgrade, a newer version comes out making us feel like what we now have is crap. We live in a culture where we compare ourselves and what we have to everyone else constantly, and most of the time we’re comparing it all to a highlight reel or an airbrushed version of someone else. All of these things are against us, and making it very hard to live with a grateful heart.

I think one of the enemy’s favorite schemes for us westerners is helping us be constantly discontent. If you’re like me, your heart is prone to wander away from the only real source of life. God must look at me like a little toddler, “Oh Carol, that again? She’ll never learn.” (His head shaking with a smirk on his face). THANK YOU, GOD, FOR GRACE, and that He never lets me wander too far over the cliff. IMG_2509

The truth is that if we’ve truly experienced the grace of God on our lives, if we truly have experienced the free gift of grace when we didn’t deserve it, and the gift that keeps giving every single morning, then we can choose to look at our lives, all that He has given us, and live with a posture of gratitude. This is something I’ll always struggle with, but I have a few things that always help me:

Remind yourself that that “thing” you want so badly will not satisfy like you think it will. Another “Joby-ism” I like to call it is, “the cul-de-sac of stupidity.” Basically what it means is that we, as humans, go round and round in this cul-de-sac, thinking that the next thing will fully and finally satisfy, only to realize once again, it doesn’t. We want a raise, if only we could get this much more, then when you do, you find yourself there again pretty quickly. If only you could get a house in that neighborhood, a few years go by and that house just isn’t cutting it. Now you want a new house in the other neighborhood. The list goes on and on. So for me, I have to remind myself, that “thing” I think I want so badly, just will NOT finally and fully satisfy like I think it will. So, I’m honest with God about it, and give that desire up to Him, even if I have to do it every day.

Make a gratitude list. I stole this idea from our pastor. He said to make a gratitude list, one thing for every year you’ve been alive. Keep it on your phone, and anytime you start to feel entitled instead of grateful, read your list. I’ve now made several lists, and anytime I’m feeling like I’m owed something I don’t have or caught up in comparing or wanting something someone else has, I stop and read over my list, thanking God. He didn’t have to give me all that I have now, so what makes me think I’m owed something I may feel is better? He knows what’s best for us, and I have to trust in that. And when I read my list, and think of all the blessings in my life, I can’t help but kick myself for feeling anything other than grateful. 

Each morning when I start out my prayer, I try and start with thankfulness for all He’s given me. I feel like something supernatural happens when you start out prayer with thankfulness. It’s like it ushers you into the presence of God in a way starting out with requests or to-do’s just doesn’t do. And then, on those days you don’t even know what to pray, start out with thanking God and somehow you start to feel and hear Him. I think the power of starting our prayer with thanking Him is that it helps posture our hearts from feeling entitled or frustrated, to grateful and reverent.

Contentment is a secret that’s actually offered in Scripture. Paul says in Philippians that he’s learned the secret. Which means, he wants us to learn it too. And I think the secret is to preach the Gospel to yourself every day. Thank God everyday for your gratitude list. And, most importantly, abide in Jesus, or simply put, stay close to Him. Bring those desires to Him, and He’ll either bless you with what you’re wanting, or through prayer it will purify your desire for that thing. I’ve literally been praying of something and talked myself out of it during the prayer. I think when we stay close to Him, it helps us see life in view of eternity and not get caught up in the worldly stuff (as much). I’m going to CHOOSE each day to be grateful for everything He’s given me, from Daniel and Kennedy to our home and our jobs. I didn’t deserve any of the things I have today, so I’ll choose to live joyfully grateful for all of it. Or when my coveting starts to creep in as I’m watching HGTV, I’ll remind myself of what I actually deserved and how blessed I really am. 

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” – Philippians 4:12 

So, whenever I write about something it’s usually because it’s something I’m struggling with too! Help hold me accountable, and I’ll be praying for all of you as well! Let’s be the generation of strong women who live with grateful hearts.

Tiny Faith in a Big God

I don’t know very much about mustard seeds. Personally, I don’t like mustard at all (eww); I don’t even like the way it smells. But, since it’s in Scripture, I thought I’d learn a thing or two. Did you know, that back in Jesus’ day, it was common to say something was like a mustard seed if it was very, very small. Another cool thing about mustard seeds is that the mustard plant can be considered a weed because of how quickly and widely it can spread (given all the tiny seeds).  And lastly, a mustard plant or bush can grow to be unusually large given the right conditions…all from that tiny little seed!

Matthew 17:20. The reason this is all important, is because of one verse that literally got me through my pregnancy with Kennedy – Matthew 17:20 that says, “He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.” I remember saying, praying, probably every day, IMG_1990that given my past experience with pregnancy, I didn’t think this pregnancy could result in a healthy baby girl. BUT, with a tiny bit of faith, I could believe that even if my body wasn’t capable, God could do ALL things. He can move mountains, raise people from the dead, and He could knit together a perfect baby despite my own inadequacy. That tiny bit of faith helped me carry on throughout 9 months. Then, through sharing our story, our faith spread far and wide, giving other people hope. And then, because of what God did in our lives, our faith has grown to be HUGE because we’ve seen Him answer our prayers time and time again. 

Sometimes though (and I’ve been there) it’s hard to believe. Mark 9:24 says, “Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, “I believe; help my unbelief!” Our pastor often points out that every word in Scripture is important, and God wanted this specific sentence added so that in times where it’s hard to believe, we can STILL believe that God can do all things. He can answer that prayer you’ve been praying so long that you want to give up. He can answer that prayer that seems impossible right now. So, if all it requires for God to move in our lives is just a tiny bit of faith, then why aren’t we praying boldly for these desires God has put on our hearts? Do we think we’ll get let down? Do we not want to get our hopes up? Is it easier to just sit back and be comfortable, be okay with the status quo, the mundane? Well, I think it’s time that we start praying big, bold prayers, ones that literally require divine intervention to see them come to fruition.

“If your dreams aren’t big enough that they require you to depend on God to make them happen, then you aren’t dreaming big enough.” This quote was life-changing for me. I heard it from Dave Ferguson at a conference a couple years ago. I think really what it comes down to is this: God wants an intimate relationship with us. If we are depending on God for these prayers, for next steps, then we’re walking closely with our true source of life. Isn’t it always that He gives us a big picture, a dream, and never gives us the full blueprint to accomplish it? Super frustrating for control freaks (He knows me so well). What He knows about us is that if we knew the whole picture, every step to get there, then we’d just run with it and forget that we need God in the process. We’d do it all on our own strength and end up exhausted. God always just gives us that next step so that we stay close to Him. I’m reading this book now called, Draw the Circle, and it’s been so amazing. The basic theme throughout is that we need to start praying big prayers, impossible prayers, prayers that ONLY God can answer because when we do that, God gets all of the glory. Isn’t that the ultimate goal of our lives as Christians?

So my question to you is this – what’s the one thing you’ve been dreaming about, the one thing you’ve been pleading for, the one thing you’ve been praying for so long you are losing hope? What’s the thing that seems so out of reach or impossible that it would literally require God’s intervention to accomplish? Is it a healed marriage, a spouse, a child? Is it a healthy pregnancy, the cancer to vanish, that new job? Think about it and write it down.

P.E.S.H. One thing my husband talked about recently is P.E.S.H (I mean, I guess he has good ideas sometimes – kidding, he’s the smart one in this equation). It simply means we’re going to start praying persistently (don’t give up on that prayer, those dreams. Keep asking, and then ask again), expectantly (believing, even with a tiny, mustard seed amount of faith, that He will do it because He’s a good Dad and He loves us more than we can imagine), specifically (God knows what we want and need, but He also wants us to be specific – it requires us to be vulnerable and trust Him to accomplish it, or change our hearts in the process), and humbly (we don’t pray because we expect God to do things for us because we deserve it – newsflash, we don’t – but we pray out of a humble heart because of His great grace and mercy on us).

Lastly, “Pray like it depends on God, but work like it depends on you.” Mark Batterson, Draw the Circle. This quote was so impactful for me that I wrote it down multiple times in my journal. I should probably tattoo it on my forehead. I think there are times in life that we simply (ironic) over-complicate things. Especially as women, we will over-analyze any situation, talk to our moms, our friends, our coworkers before we trust God to take the next step of obedience. I’ve come to the conclusion that after we’ve prayed, maybe sought out some wise counsel, then we just need to get to work. God’s not going to send us a text telling us the job to take (although I totally wish He would), and He’s also not going to do the work for us. So, even if you can’t see HOW it’s all going to work out yet, take that next step in getting there. Make that appointment with the fertility doctor. Fill out the application for that job or update your resume. Go on the blind date (even if it’s terrible). Ask her out, or obviously put yourself in his path (sometimes guys are dumb and can’t read the 4,378 signals we give that we’re interested). If you’ve prayed, and believe, even with a tiny bit of faith, that He’s a good Dad, He loves you, and answers all prayers, then your actions should start to reflect that. He may not answer the prayer in your timing, or even how you expected Him to, but believe me, when He does, it will be better than you could ever ask or think.

Daily Rhythms of Life

Our lives are busy. We pride ourselves on being busy, and oftentimes we don’t leave room for any margin to do the things we love or even to spend time praying for the things and people we love. “Quiet Times” are something we rush through just to mark off the list of things to do. But, if our goal as Christians is really intimacy with God, then shouldn’t prayer be something we do often?

I am reading this book called, “Draw the Circle” and it’s been life-changing. If I’m honest, I wasn’t really excited about reading it, but now I look forward to it every morning. The chapter today was on praying throughout the day, and the phrase that stood out was “turn your worries into prayers.” That stood out to me as I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety (over very stupid things) lately. As I started thinking about prayer, I realized I need to incorporate it into the daily rhythms of my life. If I only talked to my husband one time each morning, I wouldn’t feel very close to him.

Recently, Daniel and I grew pretty distant. His job is blowing up and he’s super motivated to keep the momentum going. At the same time, I’ve tried to step back from my work (like a child, kicking and screaming along the way) so that I could write more, and create margin in my life to do the things I’m most passionate about, while also being a more present mommy and wifey. We’ve been taking intentional steps to grow close again, and what I realized is, the biggest factor to intimacy with him was is talking to one another. When we started talking again throughout the day, sharing what we learned or felt in our quiet times, sharing our excitement over jobs and opportunities, talking about how to raise our nugget, that’s when things started feeling more like “Daniel and I.” The intimacy began to come back between us when we started making intentional time for one another in the daily rhythms of life.

If our real source of life, an abundant life, is when we are abiding in Jesus (which just means staying close), then just going to church on Sundays and a quick hail mary prayer in the morning just isn’t going to cut it. IMG_1638

Cut it out. What is one thing you can cut out of your day so that you can pray in replacement? Daniel often gives up listening to Bloomberg in order to make time to pray in the car. Now this isn’t easy for him, because for some crazy reason, he really likes that show (beats me?). I’ve started delaying my workout in order to spend more time prayer journaling in the mornings. My day is much better when I intentionally make time for this. I even don’t let myself watch my next bing show on the elliptical until I’ve read a chapter in my devotional book.

Pray with your kids. This sounds super simple, but honestly, I’ve never thought much about it. We’ve started being more intentional about praying with Kennedy. A friend mentioned this to me and now I do it everyday: pray with Kennedy in the car on the way to school! I tell her it makes our day better when we pray for it. Pray for their friends and their teachers. Pray before they go to bed, where the last thing they hear is Scripture over them. I think simple little things like this each day teaches our kids that we can pray anytime, anywhere, and about anything!

Turn your worries into prayers. I loved this line from the book, and I’m the worst at this. Instead of turning my worries into prayers I just worry, agonize over it, and talk to everyone about it before I go to the Lord with it in prayer. I’m going to start being more intentional about this: every time I feel anxious about something or feel worried, I’m going to stop and pray (or maybe after I realize on my third conversation with a friend about it and I haven’t prayed, THEN I’ll stop and pray). When I do actually do this, it changes everything. Pray before your big meeting. Pray over that bill hanging over your head. Pray for that person at work that’s ruining your world (or at least you feel like you want to punch him/her at least once every day). Pray that your kid will catch on to potty training easily. Pray for those five extra pounds. Whatever it is that’s bothering you, stop and pray about it.

Pray for people. Now this seems like a no-brainer, but honestly, how often do we stop and pray FOR someone, not about them. Pray for the people in your big meeting. Pray for each of them, their lives, their families, etc. Pray for the person that bothers you the most or that is weighing heavy on your heart, not that they will change, but just pray FOR them, and all that’s going on in their hearts and lives. Pray for the person behind you at the grocery store. Pray for a different friend every week. Maybe decide that every day on your way to bunko or disciple group you’re going to pray for each person in the group. The point is, intentional time praying FOR people. It will not only be life-giving for the person you’re praying for, it will change your heart for people.

Now I know a lot of this seems super simple, or even like, duh, Carol. But to be honest, my life is such a crazy mess that I needed the reminder. I needed to remember that staying close to Jesus is the only way I truly feel alive, and in order to do that I need to make time in my daily rhythms of life to do that. I needed to talk to God throughout the day, just like I do my husband, in order to feel that intimacy I long for. God cares about what you care about, even for things you feel stupid praying about. That gives me a lot of peace, and you’ll be surprised at how He answers those prayers, and also draws you closer to Him.

Now get to prayin’! 😉

The Joy Stealer

I woke up feeling defeated. My circumstances felt out of order and chaotic. I felt inadequate, insecure and well, down. It took me leaning in to Jesus, when I certainly didn’t feel like it, to realize we have a very real enemy. In this world we’re so distracted by our schedules, our jobs, our kids, or our Netflix marathon that we forget there’s a real enemy that wants to kill, steal and destroy. I don’t know about you, ladies, but it always seems to surprise me when things are going great, we’re drawing closer to Him, we’re taking steps of obedience, and then BAM, somehow everything starts to go wrong. You would think I would learn by now that our enemy doesn’t want us walking in humble confidence in God. He doesn’t want us finding joy in our circumstances no matter what they are. He doesn’t want us to find joy in obedience to God’s unique calling on our lives. Things are going great in your marriage, your workplace, your social life and then the whispers and lies seem to enter in to your mind. You look up and problems seem to be all around. Shouldn’t things be getting easier given our new commitment to live out God’s plan for our lives?!

I heard at a conference last year that God has a unique, God-sized dream for us all, and we have a very real enemy that doesn’t want us to walk it out. The enemy will steal our joy so that we take ourselves out of the game. Have you ever heard of the whispers? They start creeping in causing insecurity, condemnation and resentment. Where did these feelings come from?!

The joy stealer steps in. Now listen, I’m not the kind of person that thinks every hardship is an attack. I’m pretty practical, so sometimes even recognizing the attack comes way after I’m already feeling well-defeated. But once again, during a time of recommitment to putting Him before all things, I felt the pushback. We had an insanely busy holiday season (like every other adult with kids and jobs) and after our birthdays and such, Lent was a perfect time to reposition our hearts. We had some major goals during Lent, but most importantly it was to focus on Him first again, our marriage and raising our tiny human. I’d been overwhelmed with life and all the demands, so I needed to step back and focus on what mattered. Things were going great for about a minute and then the proverbial crap hit the fan. My marriage seemed to be in a major pit, we had a distance between us like the grand canyon (ok, I might be exaggerating that, but at the time it feels epic), resentment and insecurity started creeping into both of our minds. The enemy was using our circumstances to create wedges. He was stealing my joy from taking steps of obedience and filling me with sadness, discontentment, even jealousy for my friends who were flourishing in new careers. Why would I feel this way when I was taking steps to fulfill my own dream? Our enemy doesn’t want us living out of abundance in Him. I truly believe we can get ourselves into these kinds of messes (which I do often), but I also think it’s naive to dismiss actual, spiritual warfare. Every time things are going great, big moves of God are on the horizon, we’ve actually been praying hard for something, our world starts to crumble (or feels that way).

Newsflash, battles are hard. Battles are to be fought by warriors. They don’t call it Spiritual Warfare for nothing. Our battle is hard, but the battle is HIS. Now, as women, we don’t have to get up and start making a to-do list of how to win this battle. We need to stop, BE STILL (which I’ve realized is painful for me to do, I don’t even like being in the car without distraction), and get in prayer, prayer allows us to take the fight to God and allows Him to fight for us.

Did you know that we’re POWERFUL?! Luke 10:9 says, “Behold, I have given you IMG_1568authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you.”  We literally have the power to rebuke demons (Say what?!!) So get on your face, lift it up to God, those fears, that condemnation, those insecurities, those problems, and allow God to get in this fight because He is fighting from victory, not for victory. Rebuke the enemy in Jesus’ name! I’ve literally said it out loud before, he has no place in my home, my marriage, my family, or my mind. Now at times this feels silly. We live in a practical world where angels and demons seem more like a new series on Hulu than a reality, but believe me, there are times you need to speak out of the Holy Spirit within you and rebuke the enemy trying to steal your joy, rebuke the enemy trying to derail your marriage, rebuke the enemy trying to send you into depression. If you believe Scripture to be true, and I do, then saying those words, rebuking his feeble lies, than he HAS to FLEE. That’s right, you command demons to flee your life, your mind, your marriage, your home, and they literally have to. I don’t know about y’all but that gives me a freaking She-Ra feeling like never before!

We’re a little over half-way through Lent now, and many of us are trying to draw closer to Jesus or take next steps of faith in obedience towards that next thing God is calling us to do. Realize there is an enemy that wants you to fail. Just as it’s exhilarating to hear from God and take steps of obedience, don’t forget it’ won’t always be easy. So put on the full armor of God, preach the Gospel to yourself, and remind yourself that in Him you are more than a conqueror. Remind yourself that you fight from victory and not for it. Remind yourself you have a good, good Father who loves you and has an abundant life for you. Don’t settle for the lies. Don’t settle for the mundane. Pick yourself up off the floor and keep praying that prayer you’ve prayed for months and years now. I heard recently that it doesn’t matter the amount of faith you have, but who your faith is in. Our faith isn’t in our own weaknesses, our own inadequacies and short-comings, our faith is in God, the all-powerful King of the Universe. Keep up the good fight ladies, and remember He gives you enough strength and grace every single day, and with that, He also promises REST. 

I’ll end with this because it came on when I was writing this blog and I can’t help but think the Holy Spirit was using Carrie Underwood and Ludacris’ words to strengthen me in that moment – the Lord works in mysterious ways 😉

I am invincible, unbreakable
Unstoppable, unshakeable
They knock me down, I get up again
I am the champion
You’re gonna know my name
You can’t hurt me now
I can’t feel the pain
I was made for this, yeah, I was born to win
I am the champion. 

Because IN HIM, we are enough. In Him, we’re more than conquerors, and He who is in us is greater than he who is in this world. We are champions. We know how this story ends, and we’re on the winning side. I refuse to allow the enemy to derail any of the plans God has called me to or any of the blessings in my life. My prayer is that God uses this to speak life into even just ONE person who’s under attack or one person who’s allowed their circumstances to overtake them. I pray God speaks life into just ONE person that is feeling defeated or depressed, insecure or inadequate. See the attack for what it is and realize we have the power that has already defeated it.

That Dirty Word: Comparison

We live and breathe in one of the most amazing times to be a woman. Historically, we didn’t have value. We didn’t have a voice, and our jobs were in support of men’s dreams and aspirations. Culturally, it was jacked up, and in many countries, even our own, it’s still jacked up. But, If we look throughout Scripture, women weren’t just important, they played major roles in the salvation of the world! Women were valuable and had a voice. So, here we are now, in a culture that now celebrates women (FINALLY)! We celebrate moms, women in leadership, mom’s who also want to work outside the home, moms who are CEO’s of the home, we celebrate our individuality and our unique attributes. We celebrate our dreams and help one another accomplish those dreams. But, even in this amazing time in culture, we still struggle with one major setback: comparison. 

My pastor, Joby Martin, said once, “Stop comparing what you know about yourself to someone else’s highlight reel.” We often compare what we KNOW about ourselves (with all of our flaws, weaknesses, failures and inadequacies) with what we don’t know about other people. Ugh. at 36 years old, I still get caught up in the comparison trap.

Social Media makes this worse. We want a husband, so we only see all of the obnoxious, “I said YES!” ring pics. We want a baby, so all we see are the “This November, we are welcoming one more to our family of three!” (while their dog holds a Big Brother pic). We want to lose weight, so all we see are the friends who are posting bathing suit pics of six-pack abs. Why is it that we compare ourselves, with the flaws we are so aware of, to someone else’s highlight reel? Not only does this comparison send us spiraling into a striving mentality to be like someone else, it also can cause us to either feel high and mighty or less than, neither of which are good or God-intended.

Comparing yourself to others causes judgement, insecurity and division. If we could just see into someone’s life, we would see that everyone has struggles, failures or insecurities. What happens when we begin to compare ourselves to other people is that we automatically have a judgmental perspective – we either immediately determine that we’re better than that person or phew, at least we don’t do that! Or, on the other hand, we end up feeling defeated because we just can’t live up to their perfection. This happens a lot, even for us Christian women, as we can’t seem to see that just because she doesn’t struggle with the same thing I do, we both struggle. We both need each other and we both need grace. If we could be more real about those things, or real about ANYTHING, then we could stop comparing ourself to a standard that doesn’t exist, allowing us to love one another more, and celebrate one another more too. 

Leave your judgement at the door. I can tell you one thing the world definitely doesn’t need: your judgement. One of my favorite quotes is, “You cannot simultaneously look down your nose at someone else and look up at the cross.” (Another Joby Martin quote) The fact that women are judging one another left and right is a huge reason we have so much division, so many eating disorders, so much guilt that turns into striving and self-absorption. We think if people don’t do things the way we do, then they’re wrong. It’s easy to see someone’s bad moment and think more highly of yourself. Don’t even get me started on mom judgement. I can’t even begin to tell you how many women I’ve wanted to punch from opening their mouths in judgement (don’t worry, I didn’t actually punch anyone.) And listen, I get it, now that I’m a mom there have totally been times I looked at a situation and thought, what in the heck is she doing?! But even in those moments, I have to give myself a good talking to. If we believe the Gospel to be true for our lives, then we live with an attitude of gratitude. We know how much we fall short, but have been given new life that we never deserved. So, if we believe that to be true, then entitlement and judgement have NO place here. 

Old wounds can make us stronger or cripple us. I heard once that your deepest point of pain in life, that experience that rocked your world, scarred you in a way that changed you forever. It’s almost a guarantee that you’ll operate from that wound long after. With that in mind, I’ve realized some of my biggest insecurities are from old wounds. I can let those wounds cripple me or I can walk confidently in who God made me to be because of those wounds. 

I had a bad experience as a little 5th or 6th grader. Now, at 36, I consider myself to be a tough chick. I’ve always been independent and considered myself confident. BUT, I realize now that there are still things lingering from those few years of torment. Around that time I was sort of “bullied” by my best friends. I didn’t even realize it was bonafide “bullying” until someone said it to me one day.  The girls who I was supposed to trust the most made me feel less or inadequate. For a little tiny middle schooler, it was a huge deal in my world. I’ve realized now that it’s lingered in me as an adult. Those feelings of insecurity still exist and I compare myself to other girls. When I see how different I am (whatever that difference may be) I automatically feel less-than. Even qualities I’ve NEVER wanted in others, when I see other girls connect over these qualities, I automatically feel inadequate. Why is that? God made me who I am, and that is BELOVED. The second greatest command in Scripture is to love others as yourself, but the problem with comparing is that we are neither loving ourselves well or loving others well either. I think He wants us to be able to celebrate one another’s successes and strengths, and in the end, He made us all so different so that we would HAVE to work together as a family to accomplish His mission. I won’t let those old wounds drive me to insecurity and comparison anymore. I’m going to use them to fuel a desire to intentionally celebrate other women. Actively calling out those qualities you in admire in someone else can be a huge blessing to that person too. 

You were made in His Image. God made YOU exactly how you are. It’s only when we realize who we ARE in Him, that we can also realize what we aren’t, and that’s okay! God gave us all different qualities, weaknesses and strengths, so that we would also need one another. I’m not sure why we just assume that if we don’t have xyz like blah blah blah, that we are less than. It’s insulting to your Creator, so be YOU and be confident in that.

Shine Like Stars, Ladies. Scripture says, “Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky.” I used  think that meant do good, be perfect, and obey the rules. But what I’m realizing is that God wants us to be FREE. He wants us to be authentic, real, and speak life into each other as women. It’s pretty hard to love others if we are so self-absorbed in our own short-comings. We all have bumps and bruises. Walk confidently in who God made you to be and shine like freakin’ stars! IMG_1344

You do you, boo. Life has thrown us all a curveball at one time or another. Our scars run deep. We may have so many insecurities we can’t even begin to work through them. But, just know, you’re not alone, and your scars, literal and mental, make you the strong woman you are today. So instead of hiding our flaws, failures and struggles, let’s be authentic and real, allowing others in so that we can celebrate one another and love one another better. That’s true sisterhood, and I need more of that in my life. 

SO….You do you, boo. You is smart, you is kind, and you is important. You are beautiful, you have a voice and you are more valuable than you could ever think or imagine. 

I’ll leave you with this quote from another blog I recently wrote. It was my biggest prayer for Kennedy when I was pregnant and I still pray this for her, mostly because I want it for myself too! 

“My biggest prayer for ALL women is that we would be strong and fierce, that we would lead when others follow, that we would defend the weak and be so rooted in who God made us to be that we spend no time being insecure, judging or comparing.” – click here to read this blog Bold. Fierce. Confident. 






I don’t know about all of you, but I love a good strong woman character in movies or shows. Currently I’ve been really into the whole vikings thing with shield maidens. These women are the epitome of what I want to be. They are strong, they are equal to men, they are confident and fierce, yet they are still soft and feminine at the same time. 

The reality. Now, the reality is, I’m pretty weak. Like I can’t even massage my husband’s hurt neck for more than a few minutes because of my weak little arms. So, I definitely couldn’t hold up a shield and fight with the men. BUT, I’ve decided what I love in these women is their strength and confidence in who they are as women. These women aren’t sitting around worrying what other women think of them. They aren’t changing their identity to be who some guy wants them to be. They are strong, they are fierce and they are passionate. These women live with purpose. They love passionately and they fight with purpose. 

My biggest prayer for kennedy when I was pregnant was that she would be strong and fierce, that she would lead when others follow, that she would defend the weak and be so rooted in who God made her to be that she spends no time being insecure, judging or comparing. I think I prayed this so much for her because I wanted it so much for myself. I spent way too much time worrying about what others thought. I spent way too much time comparing my weaknesses to other people’s strengths. I spent way too much time changing my identity to woo the affections of a boy. It all came from a place of insecurity because I wasn’t seeking God and who He made me to be. 

The truth is that God created each of us with purpose, a unique, God-sized purpose. We can live out this life with that purpose if we would only abide in Him, ask Him to use us and live fiercely in view of eternity. Our Pastor says often that the enemy will whisper condemnation into our ears. We feel weak, we feel inadequate or “unfit for use.” We feel mundane and end up thinking, “this can’t be it. There has to be more.”

The power of the Holy Spirit. If we truly have surrendered our lives to Jesus, then we have the Holy Spirit within us. This means we have the power of the God of the freaking universe (is it okay to say freakin in relation to the King?)! We are more than conquerors and just like these shield maidens who are fierce and bold and confident, He made us all to be that too! No amount of success, girl time, promotions or wine can give us that same feeling. We can only be this fierce and bold IN HIM. 

We all have a voice and we all have a purpose. Being a woman in this culture can feel like a constant battle for respect. Being a mom can feel mundane and make us feel like we lost our identity in these tiny humans. We went from being kick-A, wild and free, to mundane and boring, with spit up or food on us. It can cripple any of us or at the very least leave us feeling exhausted. But, what I think God wants us to understand is that through Him, we are truly warrior princesses! We fight the battle against the enemy everyday for ourselves, for our children, and for our families. 

Put on the full armor of God, stand up and fight. Fight against the lies of the enemy. Fight against the whispers saying you aren’t enough. Fight against the world trying to distract you from real purpose or bring you down. Every single one of us have the ability to be fierce and bold and confident in who He made us to be. Now will we have different strengths? Yes and amen. Will I ever be good at crafting and making my family gourmet meals? No. Not ever. But together, as a body of women who love Jesus, we are a fierce army, able to set the world on fire for Him. We, together, can set women free to real purpose and real life all. over. the. world. 

Now here’s the thing about tapping into that fierceness that I have trouble with, we have to stay close to Him to receive it. Now I don’t mean we start down an exhausting performance road or making ourselves worthy. I mean we stay close. Just like we make time for our kids or closest friends, we make Him a priority. We live out of His flowing water instead of our own retention ponds. We tap into His strength and His power and be intentional, and then just wait and see how he sets our hearts on fire with purpose. 

Don’t know where to start? Start with making time for Him each day. What fills you? What’s your love language? Mine is Quality Time, so I make sure I spend time in His Word and talking to Him usually through journaling, or praying in the car. I get exhausted or anxious when I have an issue and I take it to every single person before I take it to Him in prayer. So stop and pray. Pray for purpose and that He would use you. Pray He would set your heart on fire with purpose even in the daily rhythms of life. Pray for boldness to be used, and just watch what He does in you. Don’t feel like He can use you? Me too. But that’s a lie. So pray now that His Truth will be louder than the enemy, louder than the lies and louder than this world. Stay close to Him. Make time for what makes you feel close to Him, and watch how He gives you a whole different lens to view this world and your life through. It’s truly life-saving and brings so much freedom. Next thing you know we’ll all be gathering together with war paint, grabbing our shields and ready for battle. Man, that picture pumps me up! 

I’ll leave you with a quote my pastor, Joby Martin, reminded me of when talking with him about my God-given purpose. It’s from the book, “Wild at Heart” that was written for men, but I think totally applies to women too. 

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive, because what the world needs are men (and women) who have come alive.”