Stop Praying.

I woke up this morning feeling refreshed (for the first time in a while). I opened up my new journal to a verse that stopped me in my tracks. I was feeling dry, I was feeling empty, I wasn’t feeling much of anything. I was having the “dry bones” syndrome like a previous blog I wrote, and it was my fault. There are times in my life where the distance between God and I grows so deep that I feel weird approaching Him again. It’s like an old friend that you were once so close to you would tell them anything, and then one day goes by, then two, and then well, it’s just awkward. I was feeling that, yet reminding myself that it’s not how God works. He never went anywhere, I did. He doesn’t change EVEN when we grow distant or make mistakes. His love is unconditional and isn’t based on how good we’re doing at this whole thing. So I reminded myself of those things and forged ahead, building back the intimacy I had lost little by little, one prayer here, one prayer there, a short quiet time and then started feeling like my old self, in relationship with my only real source of life.

As you know, I’ve always loved working. During my more distant times this summer (this morning), I asked my husband if I should start looking for a new, exciting job in the fall. And he replied, “What about your book?” Probably about two years ago, I felt God tell me in multiple ways that He wanted me to write a book about our baby journey. I thought it was crazy because writing a book to me was up there on the top 10 things I never, ever want to do list. But, He kept affirming it over and over. I began praying about it, over and over. Waiting on next steps, praying again. Losing my nerve, praying again. The problem with me and writing is that I can ONLY write when I feel close to God, when I feel like He’s writing through me, and well, just like every other human, I’m prone to wander, prone to leave this God I love.

I recently read this book called, “Draw the Circle”and it was literally life changing. The whole book is about the power of prayer, and how prayer is our connection to God. I also recently read that prayer is like the initiating factor for our full armor of God, prayer is like the engine that starts it all up and get’s us ready for the fight. We have nothing without prayer because what kind of relationship would you have with your spouse if you never talked to them? So with that said, there was a chapter towards the end that simply said, Stop Praying.

Delayed obedience. The point of it all is that at some point, prayer can become delayed obedience to something God has clearly called you to. IMG_3715How many times have we felt that tug on our heart to do something, and decided we just need to pray about it more. We’re like, yes, I felt it, but I mean, I should probably pray about it for like three more years before I actually take that leap of faith (just me?). We hear that faint whisper to speak to someone, to call them, to forgive, to act, and we start thinking of our to-do list and grocery items, so we push it aside. I do it ALL of the time. But, delayed obedience might as well be the same as disobedience. And what kills me is that I KNOW the pure joy in choosing to be obedient to Him. I know how amazing it actually feels to deny those rationalities we come up with and just DO what He asks. I’ve seen the outcome, I’ve seen how much better His plan is than my own, yet over and over again I choose not do it.


It’s never the easy choice. Is anything good in life ever that easy to obtain? In my life, no. The selfish choice is usually the easiest, and then also in return the most disappointing. We all have a very, very self-serving nature. Heck, we live in a time where self-help books are one of the largest aisles in a book store. Our world tells us to do what makes us happy, do what feels right. Our culture tells you to do you, boo (which I actually say all the time bc it’s funny). Our culture tells us to watch out for numero Uno. But Scripture says the opposite. Scripture says to deny yourself, put others first, serve others before yourself and go last. It’s NEVER easy, especially for me because I’m feisty, prideful, and selfish but it’s ALWAYS the most rewarding way to live, and brings so much more joy than being “right” or doing what we feel like doing all of the time.

Stop praying and just DO. Prayer is HUGE. I believe in prayer as a source of life. I believe it when on of our pastors said prayer is like oxygen to our souls. BUT, I also believe that there comes a point when we need to stop praying and start doing. Stop praying about it and fill out the application. Stop praying and quit that job He told you to quit long ago. Stop praying and speak to your neighbor or ask them to get a coffee with you. Stop praying and call that person that hurt you. Stop praying and ask her out. I’ve learned as I get older that obedience to what He’s calling you to is one of the greatest joys in life, and I’ve done a lot of super fun things 😉

Don’t second guess yourself. I do that too. Was that actually God or was it me? Is this the right thing, I mean I think it is, but ehhh, is it? Well, sometimes we over-complicate things. Does it honor God? Do it. Does it dishonor God, then it’s probably your feelings and not God telling you to do it (and might ruin your life – yikes). If it brings glory to God, step out of your comfort zone and just do it. I promise you won’t regret it.

“Look, I am about to do something new; even now it is coming. Do you not see it? Indeed I will make a way in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:19 

Grateful heart.

“Scripture says, “A person cannot receive even one thing unless it’s given Him from heaven.” If you could understand that one biblical truth it would change your life forever. The way we say it around here is this, “You can’t give me what God has not, and you can’t keep me from what God has.” If we would actually begin to believe that at a soul-level, that everything we have is from Him, there would be no jealousy, no co-dependence, no comparing, no complaining, no envy, and no coveting. It would free you up to rejoice when others are blessed. It would bring you freedom in so many ways. If we truly believed this, that would be called PEACE.” – Pastor Joby Martin (I know I quote him a lot, but the man has a freakin’ gift of saying things in a way I’ve never heard before.)

So if we believe the above to be true, if we believe what the Bible says, then why is it so hard to live with a grateful heart? I’ll tell you why: our culture and our selfish, wandering hearts (ouch!) We are blessed to live in the United States, where consumption is key, and everything our little hearts could desire is literally at the click of a button. Our culture is constantly telling us that what we have isn’t enough, and that we have to compete with the Jones’, the Smith’s, and the well, whoever else. Our culture or the smart marketing geniuses in retail, set it up so that right when we get an upgrade, a newer version comes out making us feel like what we now have is crap. We live in a culture where we compare ourselves and what we have to everyone else constantly, and most of the time we’re comparing it all to a highlight reel or an airbrushed version of someone else. All of these things are against us, and making it very hard to live with a grateful heart.

I think one of the enemy’s favorite schemes for us westerners is helping us be constantly discontent. If you’re like me, your heart is prone to wander away from the only real source of life. God must look at me like a little toddler, “Oh Carol, that again? She’ll never learn.” (His head shaking with a smirk on his face). THANK YOU, GOD, FOR GRACE, and that He never lets me wander too far over the cliff. IMG_2509

The truth is that if we’ve truly experienced the grace of God on our lives, if we truly have experienced the free gift of grace when we didn’t deserve it, and the gift that keeps giving every single morning, then we can choose to look at our lives, all that He has given us, and live with a posture of gratitude. This is something I’ll always struggle with, but I have a few things that always help me:

Remind yourself that that “thing” you want so badly will not satisfy like you think it will. Another “Joby-ism” I like to call it is, “the cul-de-sac of stupidity.” Basically what it means is that we, as humans, go round and round in this cul-de-sac, thinking that the next thing will fully and finally satisfy, only to realize once again, it doesn’t. We want a raise, if only we could get this much more, then when you do, you find yourself there again pretty quickly. If only you could get a house in that neighborhood, a few years go by and that house just isn’t cutting it. Now you want a new house in the other neighborhood. The list goes on and on. So for me, I have to remind myself, that “thing” I think I want so badly, just will NOT finally and fully satisfy like I think it will. So, I’m honest with God about it, and give that desire up to Him, even if I have to do it every day.

Make a gratitude list. I stole this idea from our pastor. He said to make a gratitude list, one thing for every year you’ve been alive. Keep it on your phone, and anytime you start to feel entitled instead of grateful, read your list. I’ve now made several lists, and anytime I’m feeling like I’m owed something I don’t have or caught up in comparing or wanting something someone else has, I stop and read over my list, thanking God. He didn’t have to give me all that I have now, so what makes me think I’m owed something I may feel is better? He knows what’s best for us, and I have to trust in that. And when I read my list, and think of all the blessings in my life, I can’t help but kick myself for feeling anything other than grateful. 

Each morning when I start out my prayer, I try and start with thankfulness for all He’s given me. I feel like something supernatural happens when you start out prayer with thankfulness. It’s like it ushers you into the presence of God in a way starting out with requests or to-do’s just doesn’t do. And then, on those days you don’t even know what to pray, start out with thanking God and somehow you start to feel and hear Him. I think the power of starting our prayer with thanking Him is that it helps posture our hearts from feeling entitled or frustrated, to grateful and reverent.

Contentment is a secret that’s actually offered in Scripture. Paul says in Philippians that he’s learned the secret. Which means, he wants us to learn it too. And I think the secret is to preach the Gospel to yourself every day. Thank God everyday for your gratitude list. And, most importantly, abide in Jesus, or simply put, stay close to Him. Bring those desires to Him, and He’ll either bless you with what you’re wanting, or through prayer it will purify your desire for that thing. I’ve literally been praying of something and talked myself out of it during the prayer. I think when we stay close to Him, it helps us see life in view of eternity and not get caught up in the worldly stuff (as much). I’m going to CHOOSE each day to be grateful for everything He’s given me, from Daniel and Kennedy to our home and our jobs. I didn’t deserve any of the things I have today, so I’ll choose to live joyfully grateful for all of it. Or when my coveting starts to creep in as I’m watching HGTV, I’ll remind myself of what I actually deserved and how blessed I really am. 

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” – Philippians 4:12 

So, whenever I write about something it’s usually because it’s something I’m struggling with too! Help hold me accountable, and I’ll be praying for all of you as well! Let’s be the generation of strong women who live with grateful hearts.

Tiny Faith in a Big God

I don’t know very much about mustard seeds. Personally, I don’t like mustard at all (eww); I don’t even like the way it smells. But, since it’s in Scripture, I thought I’d learn a thing or two. Did you know, that back in Jesus’ day, it was common to say something was like a mustard seed if it was very, very small. Another cool thing about mustard seeds is that the mustard plant can be considered a weed because of how quickly and widely it can spread (given all the tiny seeds).  And lastly, a mustard plant or bush can grow to be unusually large given the right conditions…all from that tiny little seed!

Matthew 17:20. The reason this is all important, is because of one verse that literally got me through my pregnancy with Kennedy – Matthew 17:20 that says, “He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.” I remember saying, praying, probably every day, IMG_1990that given my past experience with pregnancy, I didn’t think this pregnancy could result in a healthy baby girl. BUT, with a tiny bit of faith, I could believe that even if my body wasn’t capable, God could do ALL things. He can move mountains, raise people from the dead, and He could knit together a perfect baby despite my own inadequacy. That tiny bit of faith helped me carry on throughout 9 months. Then, through sharing our story, our faith spread far and wide, giving other people hope. And then, because of what God did in our lives, our faith has grown to be HUGE because we’ve seen Him answer our prayers time and time again. 

Sometimes though (and I’ve been there) it’s hard to believe. Mark 9:24 says, “Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, “I believe; help my unbelief!” Our pastor often points out that every word in Scripture is important, and God wanted this specific sentence added so that in times where it’s hard to believe, we can STILL believe that God can do all things. He can answer that prayer you’ve been praying so long that you want to give up. He can answer that prayer that seems impossible right now. So, if all it requires for God to move in our lives is just a tiny bit of faith, then why aren’t we praying boldly for these desires God has put on our hearts? Do we think we’ll get let down? Do we not want to get our hopes up? Is it easier to just sit back and be comfortable, be okay with the status quo, the mundane? Well, I think it’s time that we start praying big, bold prayers, ones that literally require divine intervention to see them come to fruition.

“If your dreams aren’t big enough that they require you to depend on God to make them happen, then you aren’t dreaming big enough.” This quote was life-changing for me. I heard it from Dave Ferguson at a conference a couple years ago. I think really what it comes down to is this: God wants an intimate relationship with us. If we are depending on God for these prayers, for next steps, then we’re walking closely with our true source of life. Isn’t it always that He gives us a big picture, a dream, and never gives us the full blueprint to accomplish it? Super frustrating for control freaks (He knows me so well). What He knows about us is that if we knew the whole picture, every step to get there, then we’d just run with it and forget that we need God in the process. We’d do it all on our own strength and end up exhausted. God always just gives us that next step so that we stay close to Him. I’m reading this book now called, Draw the Circle, and it’s been so amazing. The basic theme throughout is that we need to start praying big prayers, impossible prayers, prayers that ONLY God can answer because when we do that, God gets all of the glory. Isn’t that the ultimate goal of our lives as Christians?

So my question to you is this – what’s the one thing you’ve been dreaming about, the one thing you’ve been pleading for, the one thing you’ve been praying for so long you are losing hope? What’s the thing that seems so out of reach or impossible that it would literally require God’s intervention to accomplish? Is it a healed marriage, a spouse, a child? Is it a healthy pregnancy, the cancer to vanish, that new job? Think about it and write it down.

P.E.S.H. One thing my husband talked about recently is P.E.S.H (I mean, I guess he has good ideas sometimes – kidding, he’s the smart one in this equation). It simply means we’re going to start praying persistently (don’t give up on that prayer, those dreams. Keep asking, and then ask again), expectantly (believing, even with a tiny, mustard seed amount of faith, that He will do it because He’s a good Dad and He loves us more than we can imagine), specifically (God knows what we want and need, but He also wants us to be specific – it requires us to be vulnerable and trust Him to accomplish it, or change our hearts in the process), and humbly (we don’t pray because we expect God to do things for us because we deserve it – newsflash, we don’t – but we pray out of a humble heart because of His great grace and mercy on us).

Lastly, “Pray like it depends on God, but work like it depends on you.” Mark Batterson, Draw the Circle. This quote was so impactful for me that I wrote it down multiple times in my journal. I should probably tattoo it on my forehead. I think there are times in life that we simply (ironic) over-complicate things. Especially as women, we will over-analyze any situation, talk to our moms, our friends, our coworkers before we trust God to take the next step of obedience. I’ve come to the conclusion that after we’ve prayed, maybe sought out some wise counsel, then we just need to get to work. God’s not going to send us a text telling us the job to take (although I totally wish He would), and He’s also not going to do the work for us. So, even if you can’t see HOW it’s all going to work out yet, take that next step in getting there. Make that appointment with the fertility doctor. Fill out the application for that job or update your resume. Go on the blind date (even if it’s terrible). Ask her out, or obviously put yourself in his path (sometimes guys are dumb and can’t read the 4,378 signals we give that we’re interested). If you’ve prayed, and believe, even with a tiny bit of faith, that He’s a good Dad, He loves you, and answers all prayers, then your actions should start to reflect that. He may not answer the prayer in your timing, or even how you expected Him to, but believe me, when He does, it will be better than you could ever ask or think.

Daily Rhythms of Life

Our lives are busy. We pride ourselves on being busy, and oftentimes we don’t leave room for any margin to do the things we love or even to spend time praying for the things and people we love. “Quiet Times” are something we rush through just to mark off the list of things to do. But, if our goal as Christians is really intimacy with God, then shouldn’t prayer be something we do often?

I am reading this book called, “Draw the Circle” and it’s been life-changing. If I’m honest, I wasn’t really excited about reading it, but now I look forward to it every morning. The chapter today was on praying throughout the day, and the phrase that stood out was “turn your worries into prayers.” That stood out to me as I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety (over very stupid things) lately. As I started thinking about prayer, I realized I need to incorporate it into the daily rhythms of my life. If I only talked to my husband one time each morning, I wouldn’t feel very close to him.

Recently, Daniel and I grew pretty distant. His job is blowing up and he’s super motivated to keep the momentum going. At the same time, I’ve tried to step back from my work (like a child, kicking and screaming along the way) so that I could write more, and create margin in my life to do the things I’m most passionate about, while also being a more present mommy and wifey. We’ve been taking intentional steps to grow close again, and what I realized is, the biggest factor to intimacy with him was is talking to one another. When we started talking again throughout the day, sharing what we learned or felt in our quiet times, sharing our excitement over jobs and opportunities, talking about how to raise our nugget, that’s when things started feeling more like “Daniel and I.” The intimacy began to come back between us when we started making intentional time for one another in the daily rhythms of life.

If our real source of life, an abundant life, is when we are abiding in Jesus (which just means staying close), then just going to church on Sundays and a quick hail mary prayer in the morning just isn’t going to cut it. IMG_1638

Cut it out. What is one thing you can cut out of your day so that you can pray in replacement? Daniel often gives up listening to Bloomberg in order to make time to pray in the car. Now this isn’t easy for him, because for some crazy reason, he really likes that show (beats me?). I’ve started delaying my workout in order to spend more time prayer journaling in the mornings. My day is much better when I intentionally make time for this. I even don’t let myself watch my next bing show on the elliptical until I’ve read a chapter in my devotional book.

Pray with your kids. This sounds super simple, but honestly, I’ve never thought much about it. We’ve started being more intentional about praying with Kennedy. A friend mentioned this to me and now I do it everyday: pray with Kennedy in the car on the way to school! I tell her it makes our day better when we pray for it. Pray for their friends and their teachers. Pray before they go to bed, where the last thing they hear is Scripture over them. I think simple little things like this each day teaches our kids that we can pray anytime, anywhere, and about anything!

Turn your worries into prayers. I loved this line from the book, and I’m the worst at this. Instead of turning my worries into prayers I just worry, agonize over it, and talk to everyone about it before I go to the Lord with it in prayer. I’m going to start being more intentional about this: every time I feel anxious about something or feel worried, I’m going to stop and pray (or maybe after I realize on my third conversation with a friend about it and I haven’t prayed, THEN I’ll stop and pray). When I do actually do this, it changes everything. Pray before your big meeting. Pray over that bill hanging over your head. Pray for that person at work that’s ruining your world (or at least you feel like you want to punch him/her at least once every day). Pray that your kid will catch on to potty training easily. Pray for those five extra pounds. Whatever it is that’s bothering you, stop and pray about it.

Pray for people. Now this seems like a no-brainer, but honestly, how often do we stop and pray FOR someone, not about them. Pray for the people in your big meeting. Pray for each of them, their lives, their families, etc. Pray for the person that bothers you the most or that is weighing heavy on your heart, not that they will change, but just pray FOR them, and all that’s going on in their hearts and lives. Pray for the person behind you at the grocery store. Pray for a different friend every week. Maybe decide that every day on your way to bunko or disciple group you’re going to pray for each person in the group. The point is, intentional time praying FOR people. It will not only be life-giving for the person you’re praying for, it will change your heart for people.

Now I know a lot of this seems super simple, or even like, duh, Carol. But to be honest, my life is such a crazy mess that I needed the reminder. I needed to remember that staying close to Jesus is the only way I truly feel alive, and in order to do that I need to make time in my daily rhythms of life to do that. I needed to talk to God throughout the day, just like I do my husband, in order to feel that intimacy I long for. God cares about what you care about, even for things you feel stupid praying about. That gives me a lot of peace, and you’ll be surprised at how He answers those prayers, and also draws you closer to Him.

Now get to prayin’! 😉

The Joy Stealer

I woke up feeling defeated. My circumstances felt out of order and chaotic. I felt inadequate, insecure and well, down. It took me leaning in to Jesus, when I certainly didn’t feel like it, to realize we have a very real enemy. In this world we’re so distracted by our schedules, our jobs, our kids, or our Netflix marathon that we forget there’s a real enemy that wants to kill, steal and destroy. I don’t know about you, ladies, but it always seems to surprise me when things are going great, we’re drawing closer to Him, we’re taking steps of obedience, and then BAM, somehow everything starts to go wrong. You would think I would learn by now that our enemy doesn’t want us walking in humble confidence in God. He doesn’t want us finding joy in our circumstances no matter what they are. He doesn’t want us to find joy in obedience to God’s unique calling on our lives. Things are going great in your marriage, your workplace, your social life and then the whispers and lies seem to enter in to your mind. You look up and problems seem to be all around. Shouldn’t things be getting easier given our new commitment to live out God’s plan for our lives?!

I heard at a conference last year that God has a unique, God-sized dream for us all, and we have a very real enemy that doesn’t want us to walk it out. The enemy will steal our joy so that we take ourselves out of the game. Have you ever heard of the whispers? They start creeping in causing insecurity, condemnation and resentment. Where did these feelings come from?!

The joy stealer steps in. Now listen, I’m not the kind of person that thinks every hardship is an attack. I’m pretty practical, so sometimes even recognizing the attack comes way after I’m already feeling well-defeated. But once again, during a time of recommitment to putting Him before all things, I felt the pushback. We had an insanely busy holiday season (like every other adult with kids and jobs) and after our birthdays and such, Lent was a perfect time to reposition our hearts. We had some major goals during Lent, but most importantly it was to focus on Him first again, our marriage and raising our tiny human. I’d been overwhelmed with life and all the demands, so I needed to step back and focus on what mattered. Things were going great for about a minute and then the proverbial crap hit the fan. My marriage seemed to be in a major pit, we had a distance between us like the grand canyon (ok, I might be exaggerating that, but at the time it feels epic), resentment and insecurity started creeping into both of our minds. The enemy was using our circumstances to create wedges. He was stealing my joy from taking steps of obedience and filling me with sadness, discontentment, even jealousy for my friends who were flourishing in new careers. Why would I feel this way when I was taking steps to fulfill my own dream? Our enemy doesn’t want us living out of abundance in Him. I truly believe we can get ourselves into these kinds of messes (which I do often), but I also think it’s naive to dismiss actual, spiritual warfare. Every time things are going great, big moves of God are on the horizon, we’ve actually been praying hard for something, our world starts to crumble (or feels that way).

Newsflash, battles are hard. Battles are to be fought by warriors. They don’t call it Spiritual Warfare for nothing. Our battle is hard, but the battle is HIS. Now, as women, we don’t have to get up and start making a to-do list of how to win this battle. We need to stop, BE STILL (which I’ve realized is painful for me to do, I don’t even like being in the car without distraction), and get in prayer, prayer allows us to take the fight to God and allows Him to fight for us.

Did you know that we’re POWERFUL?! Luke 10:9 says, “Behold, I have given you IMG_1568authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you.”  We literally have the power to rebuke demons (Say what?!!) So get on your face, lift it up to God, those fears, that condemnation, those insecurities, those problems, and allow God to get in this fight because He is fighting from victory, not for victory. Rebuke the enemy in Jesus’ name! I’ve literally said it out loud before, he has no place in my home, my marriage, my family, or my mind. Now at times this feels silly. We live in a practical world where angels and demons seem more like a new series on Hulu than a reality, but believe me, there are times you need to speak out of the Holy Spirit within you and rebuke the enemy trying to steal your joy, rebuke the enemy trying to derail your marriage, rebuke the enemy trying to send you into depression. If you believe Scripture to be true, and I do, then saying those words, rebuking his feeble lies, than he HAS to FLEE. That’s right, you command demons to flee your life, your mind, your marriage, your home, and they literally have to. I don’t know about y’all but that gives me a freaking She-Ra feeling like never before!

We’re a little over half-way through Lent now, and many of us are trying to draw closer to Jesus or take next steps of faith in obedience towards that next thing God is calling us to do. Realize there is an enemy that wants you to fail. Just as it’s exhilarating to hear from God and take steps of obedience, don’t forget it’ won’t always be easy. So put on the full armor of God, preach the Gospel to yourself, and remind yourself that in Him you are more than a conqueror. Remind yourself that you fight from victory and not for it. Remind yourself you have a good, good Father who loves you and has an abundant life for you. Don’t settle for the lies. Don’t settle for the mundane. Pick yourself up off the floor and keep praying that prayer you’ve prayed for months and years now. I heard recently that it doesn’t matter the amount of faith you have, but who your faith is in. Our faith isn’t in our own weaknesses, our own inadequacies and short-comings, our faith is in God, the all-powerful King of the Universe. Keep up the good fight ladies, and remember He gives you enough strength and grace every single day, and with that, He also promises REST. 

I’ll end with this because it came on when I was writing this blog and I can’t help but think the Holy Spirit was using Carrie Underwood and Ludacris’ words to strengthen me in that moment – the Lord works in mysterious ways 😉

I am invincible, unbreakable
Unstoppable, unshakeable
They knock me down, I get up again
I am the champion
You’re gonna know my name
You can’t hurt me now
I can’t feel the pain
I was made for this, yeah, I was born to win
I am the champion. 

Because IN HIM, we are enough. In Him, we’re more than conquerors, and He who is in us is greater than he who is in this world. We are champions. We know how this story ends, and we’re on the winning side. I refuse to allow the enemy to derail any of the plans God has called me to or any of the blessings in my life. My prayer is that God uses this to speak life into even just ONE person who’s under attack or one person who’s allowed their circumstances to overtake them. I pray God speaks life into just ONE person that is feeling defeated or depressed, insecure or inadequate. See the attack for what it is and realize we have the power that has already defeated it.

That Dirty Word: Comparison

We live and breathe in one of the most amazing times to be a woman. Historically, we didn’t have value. We didn’t have a voice, and our jobs were in support of men’s dreams and aspirations. Culturally, it was jacked up, and in many countries, even our own, it’s still jacked up. But, If we look throughout Scripture, women weren’t just important, they played major roles in the salvation of the world! Women were valuable and had a voice. So, here we are now, in a culture that now celebrates women (FINALLY)! We celebrate moms, women in leadership, mom’s who also want to work outside the home, moms who are CEO’s of the home, we celebrate our individuality and our unique attributes. We celebrate our dreams and help one another accomplish those dreams. But, even in this amazing time in culture, we still struggle with one major setback: comparison. 

My pastor, Joby Martin, said once, “Stop comparing what you know about yourself to someone else’s highlight reel.” We often compare what we KNOW about ourselves (with all of our flaws, weaknesses, failures and inadequacies) with what we don’t know about other people. Ugh. at 36 years old, I still get caught up in the comparison trap.

Social Media makes this worse. We want a husband, so we only see all of the obnoxious, “I said YES!” ring pics. We want a baby, so all we see are the “This November, we are welcoming one more to our family of three!” (while their dog holds a Big Brother pic). We want to lose weight, so all we see are the friends who are posting bathing suit pics of six-pack abs. Why is it that we compare ourselves, with the flaws we are so aware of, to someone else’s highlight reel? Not only does this comparison send us spiraling into a striving mentality to be like someone else, it also can cause us to either feel high and mighty or less than, neither of which are good or God-intended.

Comparing yourself to others causes judgement, insecurity and division. If we could just see into someone’s life, we would see that everyone has struggles, failures or insecurities. What happens when we begin to compare ourselves to other people is that we automatically have a judgmental perspective – we either immediately determine that we’re better than that person or phew, at least we don’t do that! Or, on the other hand, we end up feeling defeated because we just can’t live up to their perfection. This happens a lot, even for us Christian women, as we can’t seem to see that just because she doesn’t struggle with the same thing I do, we both struggle. We both need each other and we both need grace. If we could be more real about those things, or real about ANYTHING, then we could stop comparing ourself to a standard that doesn’t exist, allowing us to love one another more, and celebrate one another more too. 

Leave your judgement at the door. I can tell you one thing the world definitely doesn’t need: your judgement. One of my favorite quotes is, “You cannot simultaneously look down your nose at someone else and look up at the cross.” (Another Joby Martin quote) The fact that women are judging one another left and right is a huge reason we have so much division, so many eating disorders, so much guilt that turns into striving and self-absorption. We think if people don’t do things the way we do, then they’re wrong. It’s easy to see someone’s bad moment and think more highly of yourself. Don’t even get me started on mom judgement. I can’t even begin to tell you how many women I’ve wanted to punch from opening their mouths in judgement (don’t worry, I didn’t actually punch anyone.) And listen, I get it, now that I’m a mom there have totally been times I looked at a situation and thought, what in the heck is she doing?! But even in those moments, I have to give myself a good talking to. If we believe the Gospel to be true for our lives, then we live with an attitude of gratitude. We know how much we fall short, but have been given new life that we never deserved. So, if we believe that to be true, then entitlement and judgement have NO place here. 

Old wounds can make us stronger or cripple us. I heard once that your deepest point of pain in life, that experience that rocked your world, scarred you in a way that changed you forever. It’s almost a guarantee that you’ll operate from that wound long after. With that in mind, I’ve realized some of my biggest insecurities are from old wounds. I can let those wounds cripple me or I can walk confidently in who God made me to be because of those wounds. 

I had a bad experience as a little 5th or 6th grader. Now, at 36, I consider myself to be a tough chick. I’ve always been independent and considered myself confident. BUT, I realize now that there are still things lingering from those few years of torment. Around that time I was sort of “bullied” by my best friends. I didn’t even realize it was bonafide “bullying” until someone said it to me one day.  The girls who I was supposed to trust the most made me feel less or inadequate. For a little tiny middle schooler, it was a huge deal in my world. I’ve realized now that it’s lingered in me as an adult. Those feelings of insecurity still exist and I compare myself to other girls. When I see how different I am (whatever that difference may be) I automatically feel less-than. Even qualities I’ve NEVER wanted in others, when I see other girls connect over these qualities, I automatically feel inadequate. Why is that? God made me who I am, and that is BELOVED. The second greatest command in Scripture is to love others as yourself, but the problem with comparing is that we are neither loving ourselves well or loving others well either. I think He wants us to be able to celebrate one another’s successes and strengths, and in the end, He made us all so different so that we would HAVE to work together as a family to accomplish His mission. I won’t let those old wounds drive me to insecurity and comparison anymore. I’m going to use them to fuel a desire to intentionally celebrate other women. Actively calling out those qualities you in admire in someone else can be a huge blessing to that person too. 

You were made in His Image. God made YOU exactly how you are. It’s only when we realize who we ARE in Him, that we can also realize what we aren’t, and that’s okay! God gave us all different qualities, weaknesses and strengths, so that we would also need one another. I’m not sure why we just assume that if we don’t have xyz like blah blah blah, that we are less than. It’s insulting to your Creator, so be YOU and be confident in that.

Shine Like Stars, Ladies. Scripture says, “Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky.” I used  think that meant do good, be perfect, and obey the rules. But what I’m realizing is that God wants us to be FREE. He wants us to be authentic, real, and speak life into each other as women. It’s pretty hard to love others if we are so self-absorbed in our own short-comings. We all have bumps and bruises. Walk confidently in who God made you to be and shine like freakin’ stars! IMG_1344

You do you, boo. Life has thrown us all a curveball at one time or another. Our scars run deep. We may have so many insecurities we can’t even begin to work through them. But, just know, you’re not alone, and your scars, literal and mental, make you the strong woman you are today. So instead of hiding our flaws, failures and struggles, let’s be authentic and real, allowing others in so that we can celebrate one another and love one another better. That’s true sisterhood, and I need more of that in my life. 

SO….You do you, boo. You is smart, you is kind, and you is important. You are beautiful, you have a voice and you are more valuable than you could ever think or imagine. 

I’ll leave you with this quote from another blog I recently wrote. It was my biggest prayer for Kennedy when I was pregnant and I still pray this for her, mostly because I want it for myself too! 

“My biggest prayer for ALL women is that we would be strong and fierce, that we would lead when others follow, that we would defend the weak and be so rooted in who God made us to be that we spend no time being insecure, judging or comparing.” – click here to read this blog Bold. Fierce. Confident. 






I don’t know about all of you, but I love a good strong woman character in movies or shows. Currently I’ve been really into the whole vikings thing with shield maidens. These women are the epitome of what I want to be. They are strong, they are equal to men, they are confident and fierce, yet they are still soft and feminine at the same time. 

The reality. Now, the reality is, I’m pretty weak. Like I can’t even massage my husband’s hurt neck for more than a few minutes because of my weak little arms. So, I definitely couldn’t hold up a shield and fight with the men. BUT, I’ve decided what I love in these women is their strength and confidence in who they are as women. These women aren’t sitting around worrying what other women think of them. They aren’t changing their identity to be who some guy wants them to be. They are strong, they are fierce and they are passionate. These women live with purpose. They love passionately and they fight with purpose. 

My biggest prayer for kennedy when I was pregnant was that she would be strong and fierce, that she would lead when others follow, that she would defend the weak and be so rooted in who God made her to be that she spends no time being insecure, judging or comparing. I think I prayed this so much for her because I wanted it so much for myself. I spent way too much time worrying about what others thought. I spent way too much time comparing my weaknesses to other people’s strengths. I spent way too much time changing my identity to woo the affections of a boy. It all came from a place of insecurity because I wasn’t seeking God and who He made me to be. 

The truth is that God created each of us with purpose, a unique, God-sized purpose. We can live out this life with that purpose if we would only abide in Him, ask Him to use us and live fiercely in view of eternity. Our Pastor says often that the enemy will whisper condemnation into our ears. We feel weak, we feel inadequate or “unfit for use.” We feel mundane and end up thinking, “this can’t be it. There has to be more.”

The power of the Holy Spirit. If we truly have surrendered our lives to Jesus, then we have the Holy Spirit within us. This means we have the power of the God of the freaking universe (is it okay to say freakin in relation to the King?)! We are more than conquerors and just like these shield maidens who are fierce and bold and confident, He made us all to be that too! No amount of success, girl time, promotions or wine can give us that same feeling. We can only be this fierce and bold IN HIM. 

We all have a voice and we all have a purpose. Being a woman in this culture can feel like a constant battle for respect. Being a mom can feel mundane and make us feel like we lost our identity in these tiny humans. We went from being kick-A, wild and free, to mundane and boring, with spit up or food on us. It can cripple any of us or at the very least leave us feeling exhausted. But, what I think God wants us to understand is that through Him, we are truly warrior princesses! We fight the battle against the enemy everyday for ourselves, for our children, and for our families. 

Put on the full armor of God, stand up and fight. Fight against the lies of the enemy. Fight against the whispers saying you aren’t enough. Fight against the world trying to distract you from real purpose or bring you down. Every single one of us have the ability to be fierce and bold and confident in who He made us to be. Now will we have different strengths? Yes and amen. Will I ever be good at crafting and making my family gourmet meals? No. Not ever. But together, as a body of women who love Jesus, we are a fierce army, able to set the world on fire for Him. We, together, can set women free to real purpose and real life all. over. the. world. 

Now here’s the thing about tapping into that fierceness that I have trouble with, we have to stay close to Him to receive it. Now I don’t mean we start down an exhausting performance road or making ourselves worthy. I mean we stay close. Just like we make time for our kids or closest friends, we make Him a priority. We live out of His flowing water instead of our own retention ponds. We tap into His strength and His power and be intentional, and then just wait and see how he sets our hearts on fire with purpose. 

Don’t know where to start? Start with making time for Him each day. What fills you? What’s your love language? Mine is Quality Time, so I make sure I spend time in His Word and talking to Him usually through journaling, or praying in the car. I get exhausted or anxious when I have an issue and I take it to every single person before I take it to Him in prayer. So stop and pray. Pray for purpose and that He would use you. Pray He would set your heart on fire with purpose even in the daily rhythms of life. Pray for boldness to be used, and just watch what He does in you. Don’t feel like He can use you? Me too. But that’s a lie. So pray now that His Truth will be louder than the enemy, louder than the lies and louder than this world. Stay close to Him. Make time for what makes you feel close to Him, and watch how He gives you a whole different lens to view this world and your life through. It’s truly life-saving and brings so much freedom. Next thing you know we’ll all be gathering together with war paint, grabbing our shields and ready for battle. Man, that picture pumps me up! 

I’ll leave you with a quote my pastor, Joby Martin, reminded me of when talking with him about my God-given purpose. It’s from the book, “Wild at Heart” that was written for men, but I think totally applies to women too. 

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive, because what the world needs are men (and women) who have come alive.” 

New Year’s Resolutions. Eww.

Well, with a new year upon us, everyone has been thinking about how to make this year better than the last. We’re making our lists even if we say we don’t make new year’s resolutions. We’re going to work out more. We’re going to drink less wine. We’re going to be more attentive to our kids, and love our spouses better. We’re going to do our quiet times everyday, and be more present with our friends and family…blah blah blah. The aspirations go on and on. That’s why when I think of New Year’s Resolutions, I think…Eww (Insert Jimmy Fallon voice).

Here’s why I’m going to TRY and not make any lists this year: I don’t need any other reasons to feel like a failure or let myself down. There, I said it. As women, we have SO many demands upon us each and every day. Our culture makes us feel like we have to be perfect. We have to look perfect at work. We have to look perfect in our yoga pants and trendy workout “activewear.” We have to be up to date with the latest health trend, feed our kids organic and make our own baby food. We are supposed to have houses that look like Pottery Barn where no signs of living can be present. We have to have kids who are well-behaved, great at sports and make straight A’s. We have to be hard workers, but also not be too aggressive in the workplace or else we’re offensive. We have to be super active in our kid’s PTA, active in a non-profit or a good-cause organization, and also be able to make a wreath out of kitchen household supplies. You might as well throw in there secret ninja skills allowing us to defend our children from attack, paramedics, licensed therapists (basically), and sex goddesses. The demands on women these days are given to us by our culture, our own selves comparing and judging, our friends or even our family. And at the end of the day, after feeling all of these demands on us like that red dot that appears when someone has a gun pointing at you, we just want to throw our hands in the air and say, “I give up!”

Stop the striving. I’ve come to the conclusion, and believe me, I haven’t mastered the concept, but we have to stop with all of this. We are frustrated and angry because we can’t be ALL THINGS to all people, and rest in this momma, you aren’t enough. We aren’t enough, we can’t be enough, we can’t be the women who have and do all things. We can try, and most of us do, but we just end up feeling defeated, judged or like failures. So, my non-new year’s resolution is to stop the striving. I want to stop comparing my weaknesses to other women’s strengths. I want to stop feeling less-than because I don’t know how to make Kennedy’s dresses BY HAND or iron a shirt (sorry Daniel.) I want to rejoice in the way God created me to be, and then in return be able to celebrate the things I’m not in other women around me! If we can actually do this, I feel like we would experience SO much freedom to be ourselves, be who God created us to be, and love one another much, much better.

I’m not enough. My second non-new year’s resolution is this: I’m not enough, but in IMG_9820Him, I am. God created us to need Him. He makes His power perfect in our weakness, which is something that gives me a TON of comfort. It’s ONLY when I’m depending on Him, that I can actually do all the things I need to do, and feel free to be who He created me to be. It’s only when I’m making time for Him that I am a better mom, a better worker, a better wife and a better friend. When I’m abiding in Him I’m also not comparing myself to other women. I’m not worrying about how I fall short because I’m so confident in who He made me to be, and that gives me the freedom to love others with an unbridled kind of love. THAT’s where real peace and real joy come from. So this year, I’m going to stop striving after the things that WILL NOT bring me joy, and I’m going to rest in Him. I’m going to pray hard for God to reveal His unique purpose for me on this earth, and pray He gives me the ability to live it out. I’m not going to settle for the mundane, thinking “Is this it?” I’m going to run after Him, and a natural result of that will be not feeling like I’ve let people down, and not letting myself down for the 900th time. I want to get rid of the things that distract me from going deeper with God, and you know what that is for me? BUSYNESS. When I try and do all the things I think I should be doing, I’m left with nothing and my family hurts because of it. So, I’m cutting out the busyness and saying “no” more. I’m going to abide in Him, be who He created me to be, and start celebrating who God made other women in my life to be too.

So as I end this New Year’s Resolution rant, I hope that you guys will join me in this endeavor! Let’s all rest in who He created us to be in all of our strengths but also all of our glorious mess. Let’s stop trying to do it all and just be. Let’s love more and compare less. Less make time to be with our Prince of Peace, and be better because of it. Cheers, ladies! Here’s to an incredible 2018!

The Holiday Hustle is real, y’all.

This month has been a complete whirl-wind of traveling, shopping, list-making and stress. I’ve literally felt more mom-guilt, friend-guilt, and work-guilt this month than I have in the entire year combined. The expectations are high and the time to do it all is low. The Holiday Hustle is real, y’all, and it’s in full swing. As Christmas is drawing near (ONLY ONE WEEK LEFT), I thought to myself, I need a perspective shift. Where is my Christmas cheer?! Why am I freaking out about the (insert cuss word) Elf, the number of Christmas gifts I bought each person, and attending all 27 Christmas parties we’ve been invited to? I started feeling more like a grinch as the demands kept piling up.

So with only seven days until Christmas, now is the time to take the joy back. Here are a few reminders to help kick us out of grinch-mode and straight into true Christmas joy (But, if this doesn’t work, buy more wine):

“It’s like that book I read in the 9th grade that said, ‘Tis a far, far better thing doing stuff for other people.'” – Cher (Clueless) Cher really had some incredible knowledge there. As I was making my to-do lists, my Christmas gift lists, scheduling sitters, etc. I realized that I hadn’t done anything to help teach my child about the meaning of the season. We hadn’t chosen an angel tree family, served anywhere or even talked much about how other kids don’t even have mommies and daddies that love them on Christmas. I realized I had missed a major part of Christmas, sharing the love of Jesus with others by helping someone else. I spent some time praying for God to reveal someone we could help this holiday season and listened. Every time I’ve ever done that, He always brings someone to mind and chooses to use us to bless someone else. You’re probably a way better person than me and have already done that, but if not, take some time to do it now! And once you’ve done it, nothing about Christmas compares to the feeling of blessing someone else!

Learn to say, “No.” I realize we are a little late in the game to start saying, “No.” But with Christmas only a week away, decide now to take full advantage of the world. This one is especially hard for me. Not really because I feel like I have to please everyone so much as in the moment, it sounds like a super fun idea. It’s only days before when I realize I have an event obligation literally every. single night. that I realize I’ve over-committed myself and now I just hate Christmas (Sort of). I had to stop and realize that my priority is to my little family, and if saying “no” to some of the parties or obligations makes for a more joyful Christmas, then that’s okay. EVERYONE is busy, so saying no probably won’t come as a shock to anyone else, and not only will they understand, they’ll probably wish they had said no a few times themselves. So go ahead and proudly pull out the old, “No.” card or feel free to RSVP “Not Attending” with a guilt-free conscience. If mommy is happy, everyone in the house is happy.

Be present over perfect. I’ve been stressing for weeks now because my entire family is coming in town for Christmas. So not only have I gone over and over a list of things to do to my house, I also have been going over and over a list of fun things to do so my whole family has the BEST. CHRISTMAS. EVER. But, what I’ve decided is that I’ve been stressing so much over these details that I forgot to be present with little family. I’ve been more concerned with cleaning than singing “jingle bells” with my little nugget. So from here on out, I’m going to start being present over making sure everything is perfect. Your family won’t remember if the baseboards were dusted, but they will remember the quality times and laughter.

Live in view of the Gospel – with a grateful heart. I don’t go shopping very often. I don’t live super close to a mall (thank goodness for Daniel), so oftentimes I don’t see things I want until I start Christmas shopping. Therein ensues the “stuff” coveting. And not to mention I start seeing everyone’s living rooms and begin to covet people’s houses, people’s holiday decor, and maybe even their dog. It’s a downward spiral of discontentment in a season where we should be rejoicing all that we have, not feeling like our life is lacking without all of this other stuff we don’t have. Scripture says, “A person cannot receive even one thing unless it’s given Him from heaven.” If we actually believe this to be true, then we’ll stop ourselves from wanting all of this stuff that ultimately won’t make us any happier or more fulfilled, and we’ll stop and be grateful for all that we have. 

Remember, the holidays can be lonely. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that big holidays, like Christmas, can be a very hard time for anyone who has experienced loss. For anyone who has lost a loved one, or even longing for that missing piece like a spouse or a child, it can make the holidays extra hard. So in the midst of your holiday, take some time to invite someone who doesn’t have anyone. Take some time to reach out to or love on someone who is going through a hard time. Sometimes just acknowledging someone’s pain can make a huge difference. I bet if you are more aware of this fact, you’ll notice those in your life going through something like this, and you can be more intentional about loving them through it.

Don’t let the prince of peace be another item on your to-do list. Did you know that a super-natural peace, like a natural Xanax from above, is available to you and me despite our circumstances?! If we would just stop acting like reading the Bible or saying some prayers is an item on our to-do list and just start making it a priority to spend time with our Heavenly Father, then we can have that peace (EVEN AT CHRISTMAS). Ask Him for that peace this week so that you can truly have rest and joy amidst the chaos of the holiday season. Invite Him into your holiday hustle and He’ll change your whole perspective on it all.

Reminder: the presents “high” quickly fades, so focus on experiences. We spend months thinking about, making lists, and searching for the perfect Christmas gifts. Or more likely for me, spend a couple weeks FREAKING out and mass-shopping for Christmas. My family is also one of those that goes WAY over board on gifts. I’m like, “Honey, I only have 7 presents for my mom, what else should I get her?” To which my very sensible husband rolls his eyes. But every single year, we wake up Christmas morning with excitement and after some coffee and maybe some mimosas poured, we begin to open the many presents. And just like every year, right when it’s all done, with wrapping paper spread out all over the floor, there is a moment of let down. It’s not that Christmas wasn’t amazing or you don’t love all of your gifts, it’s just that we forget that the “stuff” is awesome but will never satisfy. So keep that in mind this last week before Christmas when you’re freaking out at Walmart on Christmas Eve trying to find the perfect 97th gift. Instead of putting so much of your time and energy into gifts, think about some fun experiences for your family to do. Think about some fun games or new traditions you can come up with. I promise your entire family will remember the laughter much more than the gifts. Can you remember any gifts you gave or received last year?!


Put the phone away. Just do it. Even for an hour. Stop with the to-do lists, demands, recipes, emails, and just put it away. Take some time to just enjoy your kids. Take some time to listen to worship music or even Christmas music while watching your family around you. Pop open some bubbly, grab your family or some friends and watch a Christmas movie. Life is too short to miss the joy of this season! Or if it’s a hard season, don’t numb yourself by being busy. Lean into the only One who can bring you peace amidst the loneliness. Lean in and tell God how you feel, and ask for the super-natural peace He promises to wash over you today.

Family can be complicated. With Christmas being just days away, it can bring up a lot of emotion and anxiety for some people. No one has a perfect family, which means we all have family drama from time to time. So, I know that for some, spending quality time with family can be something you may be dreading or hard to face. I also know there are deep wounds there and sometimes family is the hardest to love. But one thing I would encourage you to do today is to forgive and remember that you forgave. Meaning through HIS strength forgive past hurts, and then when you face the person and are filled with a lot of bad emotions, remind yourself that you forgave because you were forgiven when you didn’t deserve it too. Life is too short to hold grudges because you could turn around and they could be gone. So pray, pray, pray. Pray for God to help you walk into this Christmas with His Spirit, with forgiveness in your heart and filled with His love. Because remember this too, you may be the only picture of Jesus they ever see.

I pray that every single one of you has an amazing Christmas this year and experiences a lot of laughter with friends and family, remembering to celebrate Jesus, the light of the world, being born to save us all! Happy Birthday, Jesus!

And, Merry Christmas from the Gilhams ~

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