I am not enough.

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Being a mom is demanding. We are in constant demand and there are these tiny creatures that ALWAYS need something from us. And for every mom I know, mom isn’t our only title. We are called mom, wife, friend, daughter, sister, coworker, boss, entrepreneur, CEO of our home, and more. The demands are overwhelming and at the end of the day, my response is often, “I’m not enough.”

I can’t possibly be all things to all people. When I was a stay at home mom,  God was teaching me the value in the whole mom thing, being a supportive wife, and making our home an oasis, but I missed working and felt God calling me to pursue a dream He placed in my heart. Now that I’m working again, I feel my home life slipping as my tendency is always to focus on, in the words of Rhianna, “werk werk werk werk werk.”

We’re BUSY, rushed, and frustrated. Especially now that school has started back. Trying to have a quiet time with God (quiet moment to yourself in general) goes from being something so peaceful and filling to immediate frustration as your toddler is screaming or scribbling on your journal notes as you try and write or decides to wake up an hour early the one morning you actually set your alarm an hour earlier SO THAT you could spend that time fueling up for the day. It’s like having road rage while listening to worship music…NOT happening. The demands are endless. We try and keep our home clean, but have little tornadoes of destruction that follow behind us. We shoot for success at our jobs but feel that twinge of guilt that we aren’t more present with our children. We try and leave work at work, but the demands and expectations are high, so we sacrifice time with our family to finalize one more thing. Our friends are hurting, but our own family demands keep our eyes on ourselves instead of reaching out to friends that need us. We don’t call our moms enough (sorry mom, I DO love you and want to talk to you everyday). We don’t show our husbands enough support or respect. We are supposed to be their biggest cheerleader, but after a day of demands, all we want is a second to ourselves. The demands are ridiculous, and we can’t keep up. The real point here is that it’s true, I’m NOT enough.

I tried to find the proverbial “balance” everyone speaks of, equal times for all things so I rock it all. But at the end of the day, life isn’t about balance, it’s about perspective. I’ve realized that the verse we all know so well, “I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.” rings so very true for us moms. I cannot, and will not be enough on my own. I can’t possibly be all the things I need to be out of my own strength. I’m weak and afraid, I am selfish and prideful. So, on my own, I just can’t. I need HIM. I need something supernatural to make me the super woman I really want to be.

I need to stop, collaborate and listen (did I seriously just do that?). I NEED to abide in the creator of the universe who created me to be unique, to be the bold, brave daughter He called me to be. He planned this whole thing out before my existence, so I need Him to walk through it.

So, in this busy season of our lives, let’s remember this: The “BUSY” is often the reason we don’t make time for our relationship with Jesus, but the BUSY is why we have to. All summer I struggled to make time for God. I grew super distant and my insecurities and fears grew too. Not making time for the relationship was making everything worse. I don’t know if you guys feel the same way but when I’m not spending time with Him, my life feels like a big ole cluster in every way. I’m a worse mom. I’m the worst wife. I’m not great at my job, and I’m not motivated.  The enemy wants to lie to us in those moments, even telling us we can handle it all, we don’t need Him, or even that we don’t deserve God’s grace because we hadn’t made time for Him in too long. One morning recently, I had to remind myself after feeling so distant from God that as my pastor, Joby Martin, says, “Faith isn’t a fuzzy feeling. It’s believing that God is who He says He is and He always keeps His promises.” So as I reluctantly started my quiet time feeling guilty and distant I had to remind myself that God never changes. God’s love is unconditional. His love isn’t based on our faithfulness or our actions (Phew!). He doesn’t love the way we love, and so because of Jesus’s sacrifice, His grace and mercies are new every morning. And greatest of all, we are His children. He adopted us into His family so we DO possess supernatural strength. Amidst the busyness, the chaos of our lives, we can go confidently to the throne of grace and peace and be made better. When fears, insecurities or feelings that we’re not enough arise, it’s time to preach grace to ourselves each new day.

Being a mom takes lots of patience, discipline, time management skills, love (the verb not the feeling), and the list goes on and on. All of which I do NOT possess on my own, only through tapping into the Holy Spirit who lives in me can I be the SUPER WOMAN I long to be. So rest in that precious daughter of the King. Lock yourself in your closet for 5 minutes to REST in Him so He can fill you up to kick ass today.

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